his true self

7- three ways out

You braced yourself, expecting some kind of reaction from him. Maybe an apology, or a shout of frustration. Perhaps he'd reach for the gun beside him, ready to end things.

But he remained motionless, sitting on the expansive bed in his somber attire, his gaze fixed on you.

His expression was haunting, devoid of the anger or resentment you'd anticipated. Instead, his eyes held a profound sadness, piercing through you like shards of glass. It was unsettling, to say the least. You almost wished he'd lash out, anything to break the eerie silence that hung between you.

His silence left you terrified, uncertainty gnawing at your insides. What were you supposed to do in this situation?

He turned away, staring out the window, leaving you standing awkwardly in the room, unsure of your next move.

Fine, you thought, I'll take matters into my own hands.

But how?

If he continued to remain silent, it would be challenging. You had no idea whether he was angry – as everyone claimed but his demeanor suggested otherwise – or if he was consumed by guilt or anger towards Seungmin and the gang.

Damn it, how could you take action when you couldn't decipher his thoughts?

Nearly exhaling in frustration, you weighed your limited options...

And arrived at a decision.

Just tell him that you're shocked but don't want to leave him. But just. Don't. Yell.

You took a last deep breath before you started to walk up to the bed. Your knees were shaking so much that you nearly had to grab the wall to keep your balance, your heartbeat so fast as if you had just ran a marathon.

Watching every single breath of his carefully, you slowly reached the bed and took a seat next to him. Not only did you decide to keep a big distance between you two, but also that you did not want to directly face him and make eye-contact. Too dangerous for now.

"Hyunjin....", you slowly began and glanced at your side.

With a final deep breath, you approached the bed. Your knees wobbled like jelly, your heart pounding so loudly you feared he'd hear it.

Observing his every breath, you cautiously settled beside him, maintaining a considerable distance. You avoided meeting his eyes directly, too afraid of what you might find.

"Hyunjin," you began softly, stealing a glance at his profile.

He remained silent, his gaze fixed on the distant horizon.

You took another deep breath and continued. "You know, it was a shock for me. Every night, I waited for you. Wondering where you were, when you'd come home... if you'd come home," you paused, a weak smile tugging at your lips. "And whether you'd return injured again. Believe me when I say, I imagined the worst scenarios."

"I... you should know, I'm not afraid of you. Yes, I'm stunned by what I've just learned, and yes, my life has been turned upside down in the last 24 hours. But I want you to know, we'll get through this together, okay? I'll stand by you. Because... I still love you," you confessed, your voice barely above a whisper.

You exhaled, feeling as though you'd just bared your soul. And strangely, you felt lighter for it.

But then, you heard it.

A laugh.

He turned to look at you, his eyes devoid of the sadness you'd seen moments earlier. Instead, they reflected pure madness. His laughter, coupled with that deranged gaze, sent a chill down your spine, as if you were trapped in a horror movie.

"Do you even listen to yourself? To the shit you're saying?", he asked.

You were shocked. What the heck was going on? Why would he say such hurtful things?!

"I'm killing people. I've lied to you for years. Stayed out all night, making you think I was cheating on you. And then I'd come home, injured from beating people to a pulp. You found out Felix and I have been lying to you, hiding our true selves from you. And now, you're standing here, telling me you'll stand by me? That you love me?" His voice grew louder, his eyes burning with intensity.

If he'd said those words under different circumstances, you might have grabbed the gun and hit him over the head with it. But now, you understood. 

He knew what was about to happen if you would find out who he really was. He got pissed since Felix got caught with you. He was sad because he knew what decision he would've to make. To either involve you or kill you. 

Because if you hated him, it would be easier for him to bear. He hated himself for what he would have to do so he wanted you to hate him too.

Nice plan but that is not going to happen, you thought.

It was no question that his mental state was messed up and dangerous. But a plan formed in your head.

You knew that this action could eventually made you pay with your life but there wasn't anything else you could do.

It somehow felt right to you... and maybe the only way to get him back to his mind.

And so on, you stood up and grabbed the collar of his black shirt and... kissed him.

Hyunjin tensed up immediately and you could feel his hands on you with the intention to push you away. But that was not going to happen.

You pressed your body on his and tried to deepen the kiss to make him respond to it. It took a few seconds where you were able to feel his hands shake but suddenly he kissed you back.

Before he parted your lips and rested his forehead on yours.

"Believe me when I'm telling you that I want this more than anything else but... I can't do this. I don't want you to get involved in this all"

His voice sounded so painful that you nearly teared up. His grip on your body tightened.

But instead you grabbed his neck and kissed him again. And this time you tried to transfer all your emotions into the kiss.

Which he indeed felt. His arms wrapped around your waist and your back to hold you close to his body. The intention clearly to not let you go anywhere.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked when you finally parted, searching your eyes for any sign of doubt.

You shook your head.

"I trust you," you replied.

His expression remained grim, but he sighed and released his hold on you.

"Then get ready," he said, "It's time to meet Chan."