The Ruin Remains

Inner Battle

CW-- Self harm, depressive thought

♡♡♡

My eyes have a gift,
They use their power to create frozen pictures
In place of my hands
Which cannot trace the fine lines of a brush,

My eyes have a gift,
To create drawings of beauty in my mind
Of meadows of gold,
Winter palaces,
Dreams that leave me wanting more,
My mind traps me in a bind,

My mind's a labyrinth,
Of undiscovered treasure
I wait,
Like a caged doll
Waiting, begging, pleading!
For my mind to dig deeper
To throw away the dirt blocking its way ー
Blinding my eyes;

To show me the undiscovered garden that lay sprawled underneath,

I've seen its diamonds,
Jewels wrapped in gold,
Its trees branching off; stretching to find islands of hope,
The curtains of my mind opening up
Unveiling the hidden corners and secrets of the world,

Sometimes, it does not
Sometimes,
No matter how hard my mind tries
The curtain refuses to budge,
The shovel falls,
A hill of dirt falling over it,
Over me,
Burying me under
Dragging me down a hole, I dug myself into,

My eyes try to look away
But it can't,
It's forced to draw
To paintー
A helpless body
Maimed, bruised, hanging limp, unmoving
My body,
Praying for goodbye.

That's when it happens
The feeling washes over me,
As my other senses lock up
my body frozen in place,
Losing its power to my eyes, which would stare
While my fingers press against the dark veins of my wrist,
Dancing along the curve of my neck,
My mind desperately yelling at me to come backー
I can't,
I don't.
I won't.

My eyes have a gift,
To lock me in a trance
Staring at the paintings it creates
Beautiful, dark, captivating works of art
Using me as its muse,

I'll stay like this
A broken, smiling, unblinking marionette,
Till my mind pulls me up
To show me a new garden
The curtain pulled back,
A warm, flickering light of hope,
Veiling over the last thread that keeps me whole.