"Hey love, can we talk about something?" Lou asks as she approaches our bed. "Sure..." I say nervously, not knowing what she wants to speak about. "Don't be nervous, darling" she says putting her hand over mine that's resting on my thigh. "It's nothing bad, I was just curious I suppose" she expresses.
"Ok" I say just wanting her to get on with it really. "It's about uhhh... well- when we have sex..." she struggles to get it out and my mind starts racing. Does she not like it? Have I done something wrong? Maybe she doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. "Specifically last night because it kinda confirmed what I already thought" she says.
I can see she's trying to word it in a way that won't cause me distress but it's not working. "Ok. Look... I love having sex with you, so don't think I don't. The sex is great, I promise" she says holding my hand tighter and looking me in the eyes. I nod hesitantly and hope she just spits it out fast.
"It's just that... I've noticed you don't ever look at me. We all have our favorite positions and things we like and I get that. We just haven't talked a lot about what we both want from sex. It's not just a physical transaction sorta thing... not for me. I like to feel connected to you and that includes being face to face" she says softly.
I can hear the uncertainty in her voice as she gets nervous. "Oh..." I say, I mean it's not as bad as I thought it was. I just don't know how I'm gonna explain this to her. She sits next to me patiently waiting for me to think of a response. "I just- is it me? Do you not wanna... see me?" She asks sadly when I don't say anything.
"No... i-it's not that. You're beautiful" I say looking down and starting to tear up. "Then what is it?" She asks nervously and I just fiddle with my fingers. I don't know how to say it without saying it. I know she'll fight me on it and I really don't wanna argue. She might not see it but I definitely do.
"Y/n?" She calls my name and I feel myself begin to tremble. "Y/n" she says firmer now as I haven't spoken in a few minutes. Her hand comes to my chin and gently turns my head to face her. I see her frown as she sees my face, "darling... why are you crying?" She asks worriedly.
"I don't what you to see me" I say shakily and she tilts her head in confusion. "What do you mean?" She asks curiously as she caresses my cheek. "I try so hard to be pretty and dainty and... cute, around you. But fuck... you make me feel so good that I just can't fake it. I've... seen myself... and I make ugly faces and I don't want you to see me like that" I ramble, "baby..." she says sadly.
"No. It's true and I honestly... well. You're so sexy and hot and... beautiful, and I truly don't understand why you're with me. But I don't wanna lose you. So I'm trying to do everything in my power to make you see me, how I want you to see me. As the cute little girly girlfriend, but when we have sex I can't even think" I say chuckling a bit at the thought before my face falls again.
It's quiet for a moment and I look up as I hear Lou sniffle. "W-why are you crying?" I ask her blinking away my own tears. "D-did I make you feel like that? Like you- you couldn't be yourself? I'm so sorry, baby. I want you, for you. I don't care about you being perfect or- or girly! I love you..." she says holding my face in both her hands.
"I love you too..." I whisper back, slightly in shock that she said that. "It's not your fault... it's me. I'm just so-" she stops me putting a finger to my lips. "Don't you dare. You are so beautiful, my love. God if only I could tell you all the things that go through my mind when I see you. You are so incredibly sexy it feels like a dream that I have you to myself" she grins.
"I don't care what faces you make in bed. If anything... I wanna see them all... how good I'm making you feel. Also, as you get more comfortable your face relaxes more. I think when we watch ourselves or are holding back we're so tense. It's kinda awkward, but when you relax and it's just pure pleasure.... You're not thinking about anything else but the moment and even your moans sound different" she explains.
"But what if-" she stops me again by shaking her head. "No 'buts' and no 'what ifs'. I'm in this with you for as long as you'll have me, honey. There's no face or sound or anything you could do that would make me love you any less. I wanna know you and I know we haven't really had the time to do that" she sighs.
"So I'm making time. Right now and whenever you need me. I don't want you to feel like you have to pretend around me, you can trust me. I won't judge you or think it's silly, I mean half the shit I say is stupid anyway" she chuckles making me smile. I love her laugh.
"See... that's what I like that see! Maybe next time..." she says running a finger down my chest and to the neckline of my shirt. "We could try something different. Even if it's just missionary..." she hooks her finger in my shirt and pulls me closer to her. "You are the hottest woman I've ever laid eyes on" she says biting her lip.
"Have you seen yourself?" I say with a shy smile as I roll my eyes. "I guess we're a perfect pair then, huh? Two sexy... hot... irresistible... intelligent..." she gets closer and close until her lips brush against mine. "Criminals" she whispers against my lip and I can feel her smirk.
I can't control the giggles that escape my lips as I wasn't expecting that. She pulls me into her arms and I slowly calm down and melt into her. She kisses the top of my head and rubs my back. "I love you, sweetheart" I hear her soft raspy voice above me. "I love you too" I mumble into her chest.
