the rush of loving you

hermanito Alex

*Liv*

I went back to the hotel with my sister, but then stayed in my room. I didn't know exactly what it was, but the longer I looked at the bouquet, the stranger this feeling became.

I was missing Marc.

This thought ran through my head.

I closed my eyes and let myself fall onto my bed. Why had it had to be white roses of all things? And why had Victoria had to mention him?

I had been so sure that this was finally over. I had been sure that I had finally put him behind me.

After two years, I really thought I had made it. Especially since I had met Loris. I had fallen head over heels in love with the tall blond goalie. And yet there was still something inside me that longed for the little dark-haired Spaniard on the motorbike.

I turned on my side and reached for my cell phone. I scrolled through the messages that were still coming in. I searched for his name, even though I knew he couldn't have texted me. I had blocked his number after we broke up and never changed it again.

We never spoke another word to each other.

Just at that moment another message came, from his brother.

Alex: Heeeey Livy! Happy Birthday <3 miss u so much <3

Me: Thank you <3 miss u 2 <3

Alex: Can't you come to Australia with Pierre? He's hanging out in my box... please?

Me: Don't know Alex, I don't think would be that cool.

Alex: Please :( Just have to stay with me too. I promise! I just miss you...

Me: I'll talk to Pierre, ok?

Alex: <3

Fuck, I had never been able to deny Alex a wish before. It had been enough when he had looked at me with his puppy dog eyes and I had given in. Always.

That was actually one of my weak points, which usually only Mick exploited for himself. Alex had rarely used it, but he knew he could always get me.

And I really hadn't seen him in ages.

I had talked to Alex a few more times after the breakup with Marc. It had been with him, like with Victoria and Marc. I had just taken him to my heart. I had seen him grow up. I had been there when he became Moto 2 champion. He was important to me.

We still wrote from time to time, but we didn't see each other anymore.

Man, I wanted to see him again, but right now, when something was boiling up inside me that certainly shouldn't be there, I didn't know if it was really wise.

I was incredibly fond of Alex, but I was guaranteed to run into Marc, and I didn't know if I was capable of doing that. Not even after two years.

There was still an extreme amount of anger. His words had hurt me. More than that. But there were also a thousand other feelings that I had carefully packed away in a little box in my head and closed up to make sure and never feel them again.

I didn't want to think about what might still be there. But I also kind of wanted to go to Australia.

Phillip Island was a great track and I hadn't seen a live MotoGP race since the split. I loved the sport. I loved MotoGP and I wanted to see Alex again. He meant a lot to me.

He was like my little brother. As if I didn't already have Max. And as if I hadn't adopted Mick and Nyck more or less as brothers.

Alex Marquez was as much a part of the family as the other little airheads.