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Maybe I just don't want to admit to myself that things are actually falling apart. Maybe I just don't want to tell people how horrible things have been. I feel like I'm bleeding and dying but I couldn't die, I feel my existence is so rotten that flies are eating my eyes. Maybe things are a lot worse than it is but I'm covering it up with the facade that I'm alright and I am convinced by it. And yes it worked, but deep inside I know I'm not ok at all.

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