I've always lived my life filled with compliments...
So why do I doubt it? Why am I quick to deny it now? I always blushed at compliments thrown left and right, but that was in the past... But then again, only those I have a bond or those I am an acquaintance with were the one who always did so.
Why, why do they call me smart? I'm average... I just happen to be placed with those who doesn't care about school. And me? beautiful? Highly doubt so... Why would they grade my beauty based on what they see, you can only see my eyes, I'm wearing a mask afterall... Kind? I'm acting, I act kind to those I think are beneficial. At least that's what I always tell myself.
Why am I so confusing...? I don't understand myself, what are with these complex emotions I'm dealing with... It's frustrating...
I don't like it... please free me from my suffering... it's too much! I wanna go home, to my safe place... Not this wretched orphanage. And my friends... I don't deserve them, I'm only using them for entertainment, company, information, pleasure, reassurance, and most of all... money.
Yes, they're happy to be in my company... but would they still be happy when they find out I'm using them? Using them as a tool to enhance my comforting skills for future purposes? Of course they wouldn't...
For instance, whenever my friends were on their darkest times, I was always there to show them light and lift them up my arms... But sometimes, no matter how much light I shone upon them, the light would be too dim and the darkness was too much of a void.
"Who cares if you're different from them? That just shows how differently special you are! Everyone is different, no one is perfect, so live your life to the fullest with that mindset." What a hypocrite I am... telling someone that everyone is special when I exclude myself from that group.
But why... why am I so desperately trying to cling to the littlest light left in me, I don't care if I die. Afterall, I'm worthless.
I will never be able to measure myself to the height my family, friends and the people around me... They're in a visibly different dimension from me. So please... Stop talking like I have more worth than you... Stop complimenting me, it will only give me false hope... Please stop, stop acting like I'm better than you!!
Because...
I will never be able... to stand in the same stage as you all...
YOU ARE READING
The Insecurity That Lies Deep Within || Var!Oshi no ko x F!Reader (DISCONTINUED)
Fanfiction"Everyone is different." I am indeed different, unlike others who are better than me in every imaginable way... I am just an average worthless orphan who has no reason to live and uses people to my own benefits. b̶u̶t̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶i̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶?̶ But...
