To be Hated (ON HOLD)

7

James POV:

"What's wrong with him? Why isn't he waking up?" Lily whispers brokenly.

After our encounter with Sirius in the corridor Lily and I rushed Snape to the hospital wing.

It's been half an hour.

Madam Pomphrey sighs sadly.

"His body is weak and exhausted. He wasn't fully healed and I should have kept him for longer, but the Headmaster insisted that he got back to class as soon as he was able.

"He just needs rest, he should be awake within a few hours."

"Can we stay with him? We don't have classes for the rest of the day." Lily asks.

"You are more than welcome to wait, yes." Madam says, and with a sympathetic pat on Lily's shoulder she takes her leave.

As soon as she's gone however, Lily turns on me, seething.

"You bloody arse hole!"She whisper shouts.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you and your friends? Why can't you just leave him alone!?"

I hold up my hands in shock and surrender.

"I swear I didn't tell Sirius to do that! I was honestly just trying to help him with his bag because he looked like he was struggling!" I insist.

The anger in her eyes is enough to make gooseflesh erupt on my arms. 

"I don't care if you pity him now, stay the hell away from him. He's been through enough and he doesn't need you trying to make amends simply because you feel guilty." She says, her low voice deathly calm.

"I-I..." I stutter.

"Just leave, Potter." She says emotionlessly, looking at Snape.

I nod my head silently then stand to leave.

Before I get more than a few feet I hear lily's voice one last time.

"I don't need you using him to make yourself feel like you're a good person.

"He's not your little pet project and if you're serious about wanting to help him, stay away."

Something in my chest shifts and a deep sadness roots itself right above my diaphragm.

I leave the wing without another word.

☆

"What's got your knickers in a twist Prongs?" Sirius asks as I take a seat in the armchair next to the fire.

Remus looks up from his book and Peter glances back and forth between me and Sirius.

I shrug my shoulders but don't offer any other response.

Sirius scoffs.

"Is this about the thing with Snape? How was I supposed to know he would pass out like that?" He rolls his eyes.

My fists clench but I pretend I didn't hear him

"I think we should stop messing with Snape altogether.  I know you didnt mean to hurt him Sirius but maybe just leave him alone." Remus speaks up.

I agree.

Sirius looks mildly angry but keeps quiet.

There's a moment of tense silence where no one speaks.

Everyone else in Gryffindor is out enjoying the nice weather so the empty common room is completely silent.

In all of our years here at Hogwarts never had it ever occurred to us to lay off Snape.

But now, considering the circumstances, how can we not?

How can we not feel guilty for making his hellish life even more miserable?

And maybe it's because his abuse hits a little too close to home - what with Sirius and his horrible parents.

But at least they had the decency to heal him afterward.

Maybe it's because of the subconscious fact that I never really wanted to bully him in the first place - a fact I had long buried deep within myself.

Truth be told when I first saw him on the train I was captivated by him.

He seemed so smart and dark and sarcastic - he seemed like such a cool person and immediately wanted to be friends with him.

And when he rejected me (well when he rejected Gryffindor) I thought if I couldn't be friends with him then might as well be enemies.

After all how else was I supposed to get his attention?

How else was I supposed to make him see that he wanted to be friends with me?

But instead of changing his mind and opinion about me and Gryffindor, he seemed to grow even more and more hateful and bitter.

Well of course he was bitter, he had enough to deal with without you tormenting him.

Suddenly overcome by guilt and nausea, I stand quickly.

"I...I think I'm going to go...take a nap." I say hesitantly.

They all nod but don't say anything and I rush up to the dorms.

Loosening my tie and flinging my outer robes onto the ground I stagger to my bed and slam the curtains shut.

My breathing is picking up and my eyes sting with unshed tears.

Lily was right.

I think as I curl in on myself.

No matter what I do to make amends to Snape, that won't change the fact that I'm a shitty, inside and out.

No matter whether or not I help him I'm still a bad person.

☆

"James!" I hear someone yell faintly as my consciousness begins to stir.

I don't remember closing my eyes, let alone falling asleep, but I now blink awake as a bright light shines down on my face.

"James wake up! It's time for dinner!" Sirius' voice yells in my ear.

"Bloody hell Padfoot!" I swear, swatting him away as I sit up.

"Well then get your lazy arse up Prongs!" Sirius grins and I roll my eyes.

"I'll be right down let me just wake up first." I mumble and Sirius bounds away.

Slowly I get out of my bed and make my way to the bathroom.

I relieve myself then wash my hands, splashing cold water over my face for good measure.

Looking up tired into the mirror I grimace.

My eyes have tired bags under them, not too noticeable but more prominent than they've ever been.

My hair is messy and for the first time in my life I wish it weren't.

I attempt to flatten it with my hand but to no avail.

I'm paler than normal and I look like I'm coming down with something - like I'm sick.

I look dreadful.

Sighing I force a grin onto my face, trying not to grimace when I notice my uneven teeth and chubby cheeks.

Breath in.

Breath out

Smile.

-

I finally updated!!! 🥳🥳🥳
I hope it's alright. Sorry, it's more of a filler chapter but I'm going to try to update soon/more often I swear

Make sure to check out my new book I Can't Sleep.

I already have a few chapters of that written so updates with start a bit better for that.