Enhypen Sickfics

Heeseung Anxiety and Overdose

Heeseung took a deep breath in hopes of silencing his nerves. As expected it brought little effect. Prior to debut Heeseung had always been confident in himself whether that was his appearance or abilities but ever since their last comeback his confidence took a hit.

Despite his nerves, Heeseung persevered and put on a brave face for the performance. It helped that he had members who could support him and also a selection of every anxiety med on the market.

Before Heeseung could work himself up anymore he was pulled out of his trance by a reassuring pat on the back from Jake. "Just one more stage hyung" he reminded.

"Thank god for that" Heeseung couldn't help but think.

Luckily the last performance was practically perfect and Heeseung once again managed to keep his nerves under wraps, masking them as excitement and enthusiasm. Heeseung knew the concert would be followed by some greasy meal at a nearby diner, a now unspoken rule among the group. He'd have loved to enjoy food with his members and unwind but realistically that wasn't possible. He had so much to work on and a greasy meal would only wreck havoc on his already problematic appearance so instead he opted for some extra dance practice.

"Are you sure you don't want to come hyung?" Niki looked up at Heeseung with pleading eyes. A moment of hesitation was soon followed by a definitive shake of the head, "I really need to practice". The members just looked at Heeseung with concerned eyes each unwilling to tell their oldest hyung what to do. "Hyung you are working yourself to the bone" Sunoo ventured bravely "promise everything's ok?"

Heeseung just laughed it off waving away the concerns, "Guys i'm fine, trust me". The members still looked skeptical but decided it wasn't worth arguing over.

Heeseung grabbed his bag before making his way to the company building desperately trying to ignore the burning sensation in his chest. His anxiety was burning up any last ounce of confidence left. This thought made him check his bag and to his delight he found his stash of anxiety meds. He'd been secretory saving them up because he found when he was in a panic, one would never do. He'd rather go without a few days and have the option to take more in the days he needed most. 

He arrived at the company and quickly made his way up to his practice room, not wanting to run into anyone. His anxiety was so bad he didn't even feel like he could face any other groups despite how close they were.

He was almost successful but on arrival he realised his favourite room was occupied. He peeked through the doorway and instantly recognised hybe's youngest group. He was about to leave again when one of the members saw him in the mirror, whipping around to bow. "Heeseung sunbaenim" Haerin said breathlessly, out of breath from the fast choreography. This signalled the rest of the members who matched Haerins 90 degree bow. "Are you coming to practice Sunbaenim?" Hyein asked "We were just about to leave anyway so you can have this room." The rest of the members shot her a confused look but nodded nonetheless.

"Are you sure?" Heeseung managed to stammer out, still flustered by the unexpected company. "Of course!" Minji smiled, grabbing her bag as she did. "Thank you" Heeseung managed, "Oh and good luck on your comeback... hwaiting!" The girls beamed back before scurrying out of the room. Heeseung just caught Haerin giggling, "Hyein we just started!" Heeseung hesitated on calling them back but knew they'd just insist on him having the room and so left it.

Before turning on any music Heeseung threw back 3 or 4 pills, swallowing them dry. On inspection he realised they weren't his usual ones, the staff must have got him a stronger prescription. "Let's hope these ones actually work" Heeseung murmured to himself whilst turning on the music. Unable to think over the sound of his panicky thoughts Heeseung let his muscle memory take over, leading him through every dance. Even though his muscles were aching and his skin was taut he continued.

He couldn't understand why this was happening to him.

Growing up he'd always been confident in himself and it showed, it made him a brighter and better person. During I-land he managed to keep his positive mentality thanks to the the admiration he received from other trainees and fans around the world. He never had a reason to doubt himself. It wasn't like he could pinpoint the cause of this sudden anxiety either. It wean't like he'd received hate or fell short in some way. Sometimes there are no reasons for these things, just bad luck and realistically years of enduring a high pressure environment.

Somewhere in between these thoughts Heeseung had stopped dancing and sank to the floor. Even though he never left Heeseung looked around the room confused as to how he got there. His brain had began to cloud up as if it was filled with cotton wool. "Finally some good shit" Heeseung smiled to himself thinking this was the effect of his pill. Unbeknownst to him this was the first sign he had overdosed.

Enjoying the feeling of thoughtlessness Heeseung slowly laid back until he felt the cool wooden floor against his now surfacing spine. His breathing had slowed so much so that his chest remained stagnant most of the time. With each sluggish breath, Heeseung was slowly losing consciousness. Not that he minded, this was the first sleep he'd had in days. With one last breath Heeseung's still stature began to shake while foam formed in the corners of his mouth.

Heeseung's seizure did not go unnoticed. Luckily Beomgyu had left his cap in the room the day before and came by to pick it up only to find his best friend in a fit. "Heeseung!" Beomgyu's jaw dropped. "Heeseung stop messing, are you ok?" Beomgyu began to tap Heeseung's cheeks in hopes of some reaction other than violent tremors. Heeseung's lips were draining of their warm colour, now tainted with blue splotches. His chest was arched up painfully, the muscles stuck in a spasm. Beomgyu looked around hopelessly, fixing his eyes on the door and wishing for someone to burst through with an answer. No such look.

Pulling himself together, Beomgyu paced over to the door and called out for help, a request that was received by his blond leader who promptly got to calling an ambulance. It wasn't long till Yeonjun joined. "Did he take something" Yeonjun asked Beomgyu while rolling Heeseung over on his side. Luckily or maybe not so luckily the younger had stopped shaking. Well stopped moving entirely. "How would I know Hyung! Wait.." Beomgyu paused, "Is he breathing?"

Yeonjun leaned down, listening for a breath yet nothing came. "Shit".

Immediately Yeonjun started CPR, struggling against Heesung's arched chest. Beomgyu got to work calling Enhypoen who on hearing the news dropped the call and by the sounds of things the phone completely. Phones were replaceable though, Heeseung was not. "They're on their way" Beomgyu assured Yeonjun who was now rubbing the foam from Heeseung's face prepared to cover his mouth with his own.  These circumstances outweighed the teasing he would have received otherwise.

Yeonjun gave Heeseung one shallow breath before the younger thankfully spluttered with life. "Hyung?"

Beomgyu quickly pounced on Heeseung holding him close to his chest while sobbing violently. Yeonjun couldn't help but smile although he knew Heeseung was not out of the woods yet. Before he could question Heeseung however, Enhypen burst through the door surrounding their Hyung who was no longer the maknae of the room. They all urged Heeseung to recall what happened and all he could supply them with was the fact he took his anxiety medication beforehand.

Jungwon almost tore open Heeseung's bag sighing as he gripped the pills. "These are Niki's AEDs" he said simply "and considering this pack is for a week, you've taken 5." Everyone looked at Heeseung in disbelief. "Hyung you overdosed" Jay said his cheeks becoming flushed with anger. "I didn't know they were Niki's pills" Heeseung grew defensive "To me it was just anxiety meds". "HYUNG, the same thing would have happened had it been your anxiety meds" Jake added, more worried than angry. Heeseung knew they were right but he wasn't going down with out a fight. He wasn't going to let the younger members belittle him.

"Yah, remember I'm still your Hyung! Stop babying me."

Beomgyu and Yeonjun stepped in. "You may be their Hyung but we're your hyungs" Yeonjun started "and we are gonna say the exact same thing. Heeseung you need to understand that if things get hard you come ask for help, you don't bundle it up exhausting yourself and relying on pills to distract yourself."

"It will get better Hyung, asking for help is the first step" Sunghoon reminded him. Heeseung took a shaky breath before nodding. He knew that it wouldn't be possible to make that step today but he hoped in the future he could grow more open about these things and rely on his members. They had already proven they'd always be there for him.