Without you I'm nothing

Chapter 41

Ahsoka was laying in her bed crying. She does that almost every night. She doesn't want to be alone but can't let anyone see her like this. The only person who could make her happy was Anakin. He was the only one who knew about all her secrets. He was the one who helped her when she felt like this. It didn't used to be this often that she had these panic attacks where she was crying, feeling nauseous and feeling like she1s going to suffocate. She needed a hug from that one particular person or at this point even his presence would help. She had so Manny thoughts in her mind. She needed to clear her head some how. She tried to imagine Anakin hugging her talking to her calming her down. She tried to remember what he told her once before he left for a longer mission without her. He told her that he won't be available so she will have to somehow keep her panic attacks under control without him. That was the time when he gave her her porg plushie. She was 14 back then when she got it and since that she sleeps with it every night.

She tried to take deep breaths like Anakin advised her to. She cleared her mind and tried to think straight. She needed a distraction from Anakin or some sleep. Then she suddenly realized Lux is probably waiting for her. She sent him a message.

'I'm sorry I can't go out tonight.'

She wasn't expecting a response soon. But it came immediately.

'It's okay. Are you feeling alright?'

She started tipping 'I'm fine' but before she sent it she deleted it.

'No. Can you come over?' She typed instead.

'Sure.'

'I'll send you the address.'

About 15 minutes later Lux arrived. He rang the doorbell and waited for Ahsoka. Ahsoka was wearing her pajama. She didn't know if this was a good idea or not. She waited for him on the couch and when she heard the doorbell she stood up. A little anxiety came over her. She opened the door and let Lux in.

"Hi Ahsoka. What's wrong?"

"I couldn't go out. Is it ok if we just talk."

"Yeah sure." Lux replied. He could see the tears on Ahsoka's face.

"Do you want something? We have tea. Obiwan made it. its actually amazing."

"No thanks. I just want to be with you." Lux smiled at Ahsoka. She tried to return it.

They sat on the couch silence. None of them knew what to say or do.

"Are you okay?" Lux stared.

"I'm-"

"And please the truth."

"No. I'm not fine. I need someone next to me who I trust. And this person used to be Anakin. But now he is in a coma. I can't talk to him I can't feel him through the force. My new master is Obiwan but he is different I trust him too but not the way I trust him. Padme barely comes home anymore she has lots of work now days. I just miss them all. It's not the same anymore. Maybe it never will be. It feels like my family is falling apart. I moved to Padme because I'm scared to be alone. Anakin was next to me but now I barely have anyone. I feel lost. The clones had to go to Kamino for a while so they are not here either. And you're the only one I have left. I had anxiety issues, panic attacks in the past but Anakin help a lot with it. Now he is gone. He was the only one who knew. But now you know it too."

"I'm so sorry Ahsoka. How can I help you?"

"Just stay." She said then Lux hugged her. "Stay and don't let go of me."

"Okay."

Some time later Padme arrived home. It was really dark inside. She saw something on the couch she thought it was just Ahsoka. She walked into the kitchen and turned on a small light there that wouldn't wake her up. When she looked back to the couch she was Lux and Ahsoka cuddling. She was surprised and happy for them. She didn't wanted to wake them so she turned off the light and quietly walked to her bedroom.