Flower of the North [Kaz Brekker; Six of Crows]

chapter 13

Cecilia woke up that next morning with a small ache in her stiff back and pain in her cramped up knees. She slid off the chair as slow as a sloth and began to stretch out her stiff body. She glanced over to the bedroom area, noting that the sun hadn't fully risen yet and that Kaz was still asleep. She assumed he hadn't been asleep long with his busy schedule, so she was careful not to be loud. He likely wouldn't be asleep for much longer anyway.

Cecilia winced as she rolled out her neck, a few satisfying cracks easing up the tension. She tip-toed over to the mirror by the wash basin and began to settle her slightly messy appearance. She straightened out the top of her hanfu, tucking it back into a neat state. Then she undid her hair and brushed her fingers through it until it was smooth again.

Cecilia twirled the sharp hair pins between her fingers once or twice, playing with the weight of them. They were incredibly light, which could make them difficult to wield. Cecilia herself was used to handling larger blades like a katana or a large dagger. But she would make do with the miniscule blades.

Cecilia placed the pins between her lips as she began to restyle her hair neatly, every strand of hair staying in place as she wanted it to. She was so concentrated she didn't even notice dark eyes staring at her from the bed. Once she pinned her hair in place, she looked to the side to see Kaz casually watching her. She couldn't quite place the feeling in his eyes, but it was soft and it made her feel warm.

"Sorry to take up your space. I'll leave in a moment," Cecilia said softly.

Kaz sat up, brushing a hand through his disheveled hair, "You don't have to. I don't mind."

Cecilia paused for a moment, "Kaz...I have a question."

"You have a lot of questions these days," Kaz commented, "What is it this time?"

"When this job is done, if we all survive, are things going to go back to the way they were before? You pretending like I don't exist anymore and avoiding me? Because, frankly, I don't know if I could handle it anymore. It hurts, Kaz. A lot. But I care about you and I respect your decisions. So if that's what you want, I'll let you go. But I'd like to be prepared for it this time. So tell me the truth."

Kaz stared at the wall in front of him in thought. He supposed he hadn't put much thought into that. As soon as Cecilia had re-entered his life, he had almost forgotten that she was ever gone. That he had ever abandoned her. It felt like she was there all this time. That hole in his heart had been filled and healed with her presence.

"I don't know right now," Kaz answered honestly.

Cecilia closed her eyes, a sharp pain shooting through her heart, "Alright."

"I'll tell you when I do know," Kaz said, trying to smooth over her clear displeasure with his answer.

Cecilia took a deep breath and forced a smile on her face, "Don't rush it, Kaz. Take your time."

Kaz knew she didn't quite mean that. She wanted him to make that decision as soon as he could. He understood why. She wanted to prepare herself to be abandoned all over again. Because that was exactly what he had done. Abandoned her. He had given her all he could, and as soon as he got scared, he left. Without a single explanation. Barely even a word of goodbye. And even then, he had to do that through a messenger.

"I should check on my brother and Inej and see if everything's going well," Cecilia said, walking over to grab her katana off the table.

Kaz stood up, grabbing his cane, "Lia..."

Cecilia turned back to him as he trailed off, wondering what he wanted to say.

Kaz cleared his throat, "Just make sure you have everything you need. We won't be making any detours."