A Shot in the Dark (Thilbo - Bagginshield)

Chapter 27

Thorin was not a romantic Dwarf.

For all his passion and intense emotions, he actually had little interest in matters of the heart. Oh, he loved deeply enough and would kill to protect those he cared for, but that was love of a different sort. He loved his family and friends and people. He loved his heritage and homeland and Creator. He never had any interest in the love that came with a One, the love of a bond mate and life companion. It held little appeal to him, and he felt that he was blessed enough in love.

Frerin had been the romantic one amongst them. He was the one who had spent his time daydreaming and waxing poetically about what it would be like to find his One. When they were children, he had always wanted to hear the love stories over the war ones. As they grew older, he was the one who spent hours trying to design the perfect bead to grant to his beloved one day. It took him years before he finally sketched out one that met his requirements. Thorin still had the drawing tucked away. It was wrinkled and faded and really quite worthless, but every time he tried to throw it out, he would recall the way Frerin's eyes had glowed when he showed it to him and found that he could not do it.

Dís had not cared either but she had always been more like Thorin in those terms. Frerin was the odd one out with his golden hair and easy smiles. Like a flash of golden lightening, his quick words and booming laughter had been the only thing that could make Dís smile and Thorin relax. He thought he would never need the sun because his little brother cast enough light on them all to live.

While Frerin had been the sun, Dís had been the moon. Hard and distant, she was the strong one out of the three of them. Even as a child she had been serious and clever; seeing the bigger picture easily and all the details that made it up. She had used her quick wit to protect her family and people and it had been that same wit that saved them after Erebor fell. Many Dwarves saw her as cold because of the distance she put between herself and others, but Thorin knew better. His little sister loved just as fiercely as the rest of them; she just didn't show it.

If Frerin was the sun and Dís the moon, then Thorin knew he would be the sky. He was the one who protected them and held them up for the world to see. He was vast and mighty but paled in comparison next to them. That was fine; Thorin didn't mind being in the background. His siblings were glorious so why wouldn't they get attention? Their love had been enough for him—his sun and his moon—and he never thought to ask for more. If his family loved him then what more could he ever want?

And then Frerin died.

Thorin thought he knew grief when they lost Erebor, but it was nothing compared to when he lost his brother. It was as if a piece of him had died with Frerin, and he knew he would never be the same again. Dís had been just as changed as him; his cold moon becoming even colder. Even their relationship became strained and tense without Frerin there to lighten them up. The three of them had been so intertwined that when a piece was cut out, they completely fell apart.

Things had gotten better when his sister found Vílin. The Dwarf had been common born—a potter, of all things—but he had loved Dís fiercely. His sister, in turn, had given him the smiles that she had once horded away only for Frerin. Thorin could not deny something so precious to his remaining sibling and had given them his blessing. When his sister had become pregnant a few years later, he had accepted the news happily but not given it much thought. He was happy he would be an uncle and that their line would continue on, but he never stopped to think about what his sister's child would mean to him.

That was why he was completely unprepared for the emotions that came upon him when Fíli was born.

Was it possible to love someone without knowing them? Thorin had never thought as much until the day he held his nephew. He had looked upon that little red and scrunched face and felt his heart soar with love. He never wanted to set his nephew down again; he wanted to hold him and watch him and protect him from every danger in the world. He wanted to teach him how to hold a sword, how to read their mother tongue, and to give him sweets when Dís was not looking. When Kíli followed a few years later, he had felt the same consuming love and fierce need to protect him. His nephews had filled the void that Frerin's death had left in him. They became his sunlight and the only ones who could make him laugh and smile again. For the first time since his brother's death, Thorin finally felt complete again.