fine line

four

MY ROOM?

the party was now in full swing, kids were jumping into the pool off the roof and others dancing on the pool table. i even think someone was trying to put a dart through an apple on someone's head. everyone was having a good time.
i stood in the kitchen pouring myself a drink w 3/4 vodka and 1/4 pinapple juice and downed it once i was finished making it. i wanted to get as drunk as i could, it was the first rager of summer. it's tradition.

"hey" some random boy had come up to me. he started pouring himself a drink next to me. he was making a tequila with lemon and limeade. i smile at him, really starting to feel the alcohol kick in, "hi, i'm lani" i say to him. he starts to chat to me while we move over to sit on the only free space, the bottom of the stairwell. we're talking for a good twenty to thirty minutes before he asks me a random question.
"so you know whose rager this is?" he asks
"yeah, he's my best friends brother" i yell in his ear so he can hear me over the music.
"i have no fucking clue who's party this is, that's why i have no shame in asking if you wanna come upstairs with me" he says before kissing me. i kiss him back before following him up to a bedroom.

i don't notice whose room this is because i was too engrossed in the moment. before i knew it, this boys hand was trying to unbuckle his jeans while his other was trying to snake into my trousers. i pull away for a second, catching my breath, "can we slow down?" i ask him. i didn't want to sleep with him. just other stuff.
"of course" he smiles at me before carrying on kissing me. he stood unbuckling his pants and instead takes my shirt off revealing my bra. i take his button shirt off while he begins trying to pull my skirt down and off my body.

i'm mid way through pulling his pants down when someone walks in. oh my fucking word. god actually help me now. rafe stays stood at the doorway, an unimpressed look all over his face.
"nuh-ugh, nope" he yells shaking his head. me and this random guys stop kissing and freeze, just staring at rafe. "you" rafe points at the boy, "out. and you can stay where you are" he continues indicating at me at the end.
the boy scrambles to pull up his pants and throw on his shirt, just leaving me in the bed in my underwear. i try to cover myself up with the bed covers and pillows but it's not working out very well.
rafe closes the door and starts pacing around the room.
"fucking hell rafe! give me some fucking privacy! jesus!" i scream at him, pissed off and embarrassed that he walked in on me trying to hookup with some guy.

rafe starts to laugh sarcastically, "privacy? your in my fucking room mailani!" he shouts back, grabbing my clothes off the floor and chucking them at me. "now get dressed"

i grab them and go to change before i stop myself, "turn around"
rafe rolls his his eyes at me before turning around, i get up and start pull my skirt up my legs. from the corner of my eye i notice rafe turn his head around slightly, before moving his body a little more. his eyes scan my entire body a couple of times before he fully turns around when i'm done.

we're just stood in the room staring at eachother. not a single word has been uttered in a bout a minute and we're both deep breathing.
rafe breaks the eyecontact by rubbing his face before breaking the silence too. "what the fuck are you doing mailani?" he sighs.

i turn my head to the side to look out the balcony at the party while shaking my head, "i'm having fun, rafe" i sigh back, and look at him unapprovingly.

"you can't just go round fucking random guys! have some self fucking respect!" he starts to raise his voice, getting progressively more agitated.

i roll my eyes, i can't believe him right now, i laugh a little when i realise what he actually said, "fuck you rafe, i can give it to whoever i very well please" i say trying to walk out past him.

he stands in my way so he's now towering over me, his jaw tightens as he's looking down into my eyes, "i'm not seeing you give yourself away like some sorta slut to a random guy! Do you even know his name?!"

i can feel my heart pump faster and faster while trying to keep my composure. goosebumps covered my body. "fuck you rafe" i raise my voice which surprises myself aswell. he stays silent just staring down at me, "hm? why can't i fuck whoever i please?" i wait intently for his answer but instead he just stares down at me, his chest rising and falling as he's doing so. i know what answer i want from him, and for a split second, for a tiny moment in his eyes i think i'm going to get it. 

"your sarah's bestfriend, your like my little sister mailani, no one wants to see that" rafe moves out the way of me to let me pass. he's just staring out the balcony now, not watching what i'm doing. i stop with my hand on the door knob and turn around at him. rafe let's his head fall as he brushes his hand through his curtains and sighs,

"rafe" i murmur.
he turns his head to look at me, his eyes glued to mine. i bite my lip for a second, and open the door, "you know what it doesn't matter" i give him a weak smile and leave the room.
i could feel my heart thumping in my chest before i walked into a guest room across the hall and locked myself in it. sitting on the bed i put my head in my hands as i whispered to myself, "what the fuck, what the fuck, what fuck was i doing, what the actual fuck. what the fuck?"

rafes pov

the moment i heard the door click shut i felt like i could finally breathe. being in the room with her, in that situation, looking like she did really caught me by surprise. i felt a light annoyance at the fact i had caught her in here with a guy. i knew she had once liked me, when we were smaller, but i always saw her as some little kid. yes we were only a year and a bit apart but it was still hard for me to comprehend her, in a bed, nearly naked, hooking up with some random guy? that was not very mailani style at all.

i rubbed my eyes trying to get the photo of her and that guy half naked on my bed out of my mind. but the more and more i kept the picture of her and him in my bed, the more i kept the picture of her in my head. i close my eyes to dismiss that thought. it's mailani we're talking about. just mailani. the mailani i've known since prep school. just lani.