fine line

nine

kiara, sarah and i all make it back to the cameron's as sarah promised us a girls night. we all sat on her outdoor couch with the chimnet going. to drink we had some cocktail she made that i have no clue what it contains.

by the time the sun is setting, we're all on our 6th mystery cocktail and are screaming with laughter. we're all a little bit drunk and are having a conversation about boys (as you do)

"i reckon jj is good in bed" sarah says biting her lip,

"tell us about john b, sarah. what's he like" kiara slurrs out.

she stays silent, biting her lip trying to hide her smirk, "well he's very good with his hands, it took him a little while to get to grips with all the right spots; but now he knows where they are, and god he's good" she laughs out.

"ugh you guys are gross!" i jokily shout getting up and beginning to walk towards the patio doors.

"where're you going?" sarah asks.

"just to get some food!" i shout back at her.
drunkenly strolling into the kitchen, i begin to grab any snacks i can find. i cut up cucumber and tomatoes with humus. music is playing lightly from the echo dot and i'm humming away.

i begin to start to make the batter for my pancakes when i pour myself a glass of red wine. i've made three or four pancakes by the time i hear footsteps coming into the kitchen. briefly i turn around check to see who it was. it was rafe of course. i say nothing but continue to make my food.

as i go to flip my pancake with the spatula i burn myself on the pan, pulling my hand away i wince. rafes eyes dart over to me and stay situated on me as i run my small burn under the cold tap.

he stands next me to make whatever he's making, by the looks of it he's making some pop tarts. we say nothing so the silence haunts the room. i open the fridge which devides us and get myself out the bottle of wine to fill up my glass. i close the door again saying nothing and begin to pour my glass up again, turning off the hob.

slamming his hand down onto the kitchen counter he turns to me, breathing deep, and keeps staring at me. i notice this but say nothing and put the bottle on the kitchen counter. the moment i place it down he snatches it and puts it beside him.

"you've had enough of this" he grunts, his lips in a straight line.

i move over towards him to grab the bottle but he moves it further out of my reach. "seriously rafe?"

i lean over to grab it again but he moves it again. "what the fuck is your problem?" i ask him sharply.

he furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head, "what the fuck is my problem? what the fuck is your problem mailani?"

i stand in the middle of the kitchen staring at rafe, him keeping the eye contact.
"look i'm sorry if i upset you tonight, but you don't need to drown yourself in wine, i was just being straight with you"

i begin to laugh at his explanation, being straight with me? his words sounded like jokes to me.
"what?" he asks

"it's just funny to me because you manage to control everything i do. what i drink, who i hookup with.. and the moment you have control over that you throw it in my face." i walk over to him and stand directly infront of him. grabbing the bottle from his side i look up at him.
"i'm done with your mind games rafe. i'm fucking done"
with that i walk away from him with my bottle of wine in one hand and my pancakes in the other.

~~~~~~~ • ~~~~~~~

somehow whenever we plan a girls night together, the boys end up coming too. whether it's 30 minutes late or 3 hours late they always turn up.

right now it's 11:46pm and jj, pope and john b have just turned up. we're all sat in sarah's garden listening to some 'chill mix' kiara made and sipping on wine and beer.

jj passes me a joint before he gets up and heads inside. 5 minutes later john b joins him along with pope. none of us really pay any attention.

"they probably all hold eachothers dicks for eachother in the bathroom" kiara drunkenly laughs out.

sarah, kie and i all chat for a further 20 minutes until we realise how long it's been and go check up on them.

we walk through the kitchen and they're no where. we walk through to the dining room and they're not there. when we reach the lounge we find jj, john b, pope, kelce, topper and rafe all in huddled around the coffee table.

"what the fuck?" sarah shouts as the six boys all turn around and face us. there's a few lines of a white powder on the table. each of the boys had the powder noticeably around their nostrils, "your fucking doing coke john b? i actually can't believe this" she walks out of the room, john b behind her, pleading with her.

"jj, pope? dude you can't be for real right now" disgust is painted all over kiara's face as she looks at them. kiara shakes her head as she walks away.

The two boys follow her out so it's just me stood with the kooks.

"isn't it your turn to say something now mailani?" rafe joked out. i stood staring at him straight lipped.

"i just-" i sighed, "i can't control what you guys do, just don't rope them into it"

"it was their decision sweetie, we just had the gear"

i roll my eyes and go to walk away but all the anger and hurt inside me has bubble up to this moment. this was the trigger, it had all come to a head.

"god you are so selfish rafe" i say a bit louder, "you don't take into account anyone but yourself. if i were you i would hate everything about myself" i shake my head at him, whereas his gaze avoids mine.
"what? nothing to say now?" i roll my eyes and walk away for good this time.

i knew he wouldn't say anything because why would he? he knows it's the truth, he knows i'm correct.