Heart On Fire

Its not your fault.

before i start this poem i do want to give a trigger warning for self harm scars ,the mentioning of deaths and sexual assult so if youve been through any of this id advise you not to read this. i dont want to trigger any unpleasnt memories. this is a letter or poem to my younger self to help how i heal, if you cant read this i hope your ok and hava good circle of poeple if they know who are supporting you.  and if not ill be here for you, just dont tell me your story  becuse you dont have to. its not your fault. and neve will be

Fuck yall,  you deserve karma.
to 2017, 2018 and 2019 me.
i love you three i know its been hard.
this shit makes you so much more caring.
bitches are fucked, fake friends and arseholes.
three deaths 3 years. its not your fault.
dont say you never said goodbye that time will come.

those scars gorgeous will fade a little.
damn your so strong for making it to 2020.
eating problems , bullying self harm in many forms.
people are so fucking careless.
its ok that you wanted that pain.
its ok that you thought youd be able to control food.
its not ok you were bullied for weight and alwasy eating.

to 2020 me.
hey honey. its ok its not your fault.
covid and eating became hard to stop. youll start to eat a little better.
the cooments wont stop.
its not your fault that your "over emotional"
your hurt makes you hurt easier.
it doesnnt always make you stronger.  those fresh marks arent healthy,
they havent faded. 
your exs arent all good people.
youll be ok.

dear 2021 me.
hey kid. your happily open about your sexuality,
your dad talks to you a bit and its great.
you di trigger girls becuse you have scars and fresh ish cuts.
its not your fault  you kept it hidden
she kept looking so fuck her.
you dont know who is goof for you but stick with the weebs.
you finally feel how happy you are with them.
councilling helps a lot, your exs can really fuck off.
only one was good for you.
just wrong place wrong time.

2022 me heres a massive cheer for making it to 2023.
you thought you were in  a perfect realtion ship.
thought you had good friens.
never realsied they talked shit about you,
they called you names to your face.
fuck you bitch thats not a joke.
you ditch them and hang out with the weebs,
its calmer. until uno is involved.
they really made you feel happy.
love them. they deserve the love.
you didnt realise you were in for a long scary ride until its happned.

2022 fucked you up buddy. the boy you loved gave you icks
he joked about walking him home
made you uncomfortable a lot
hes a child at 17.
dont blame yourself
she showed you a guy you needed not a child.
the friends you made fucked you over in 2023.
used shit agianst you
stuff that made you want to slit yput wrists.

dear past 2023 me.
you my dear have been fucked over so many times.
that year and  month relationship ended.
we still think he cheated. he is a fucking arshole.
his new girl who fucked you over is a bitch
they were made for eaach other.
2023, listen its not any easier.
just day at a time.
college means a shit ton to you.
youve met some older years who really enjoy photography.
you have a big group of friends in college
even if you dont see them
love them.
they accepted you were assulted and were understandable.

honey you became a bitch to get rory out of your life.
emailed the college with screenshots.
called her "perfect" boyfriend out.
blocked her.
FUCK HER.

dear 2023 me.
buddy that one girl your really close to
she helps you out so much and helped you relasie that you were qssulted.
before this you relasied soemthing.
this boy sexyally assulted you.
not just once. many times.

hes a child and should have know you didnt want it.
it is not your fault!!!
not you
not your clothes.
not your fault.
his. his fucking fault. dont listen to the voices you will still hear.

this girl helpes you so much and makes you feel understood.
she wasnt mad when she accidnetally triggered you
she carede and was more focused on you being ok
she asked if soemthing was ok to joke about.
shes actually amazong.
your so lucky to have her.
let her know more ofetn.

kiddo you have plans on getting a medusa tattoo whe you feel ready to have that on your body
as well as the semi colon
the recent self harm is ok. youll be ok.
just like the girl said
deep breathes
your safe.
its not your fault.

whilst im only a few days older then you right now
it will be ok.
college is showing good work. focus on that.
love you.
and remeber it isnt your fault.
it never will be.

stay safe kiddo ill be here.
and remeber fuck those
who fucked you over.