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Chapter 5: Restlessness

It's ten o'clock at night, and there's something keeping me awake. I don't know what exactly, but I know that I'm going to look like a zombie for my date tomorrow. I've been tossing and turning for hours, my mind unable to shut off, even with my eyes closed and my body perfectly still.

I tried everything to go back to sleep. White noise, leaving the TV on, my meditation, hot tea, even counting sheep, for fuck's sake. Something is keeping me away. Is it anxiety? No, I'm not all that nervous about tomorrow. I feel pretty comfortable hanging out with Aven. He doesn't make me nervous or anything. Am I homesick? No, not really. Being away from my mother's nagging has been quite peaceful. So then, what is it? What's keeping me awake?

I've concluded that it's probably just restlessness. I'm so exhausted, yet my body feels like it's ready to run laps around the room, which, of course, is impossible. This has happened a lot since the accident.

I'm unable to be active, so I often find myself awake, full of energy that I wasn't able to spend through running or exercising. I've compromised by expending my energy through art, but it's really not the same. It never will be. I decide to pull out my phone and text Aven. Maybe he's awake, too.

Noa_Berk: You awake?

CherryHead: Yeah, I am. Why are you?

Noa_Berk: Restlessness, I guess. I used to be a volleyball player, so whenever I felt like this I'd just run, but I can't do that anymore.

CherryHead: Yikes, that would be rough. When I can't sleep I usually play guitar, but I'm exhausted from my rehearsals.

Noa_Berk: I'm sure you are. I am, too. I'm going to look like a zombie on our date.

CherryHead: Don't you wear makeup?

Noa_Berk: Geez, no 'you'll look amazing, regardless?'

CherryHead: You'll look great, regardless.

Noa_Berk: Too late, pretty boy. But no, I don't really wear makeup, it makes my face break out. I have sensitive skin.

CherryHead: Hm. Well, I totally couldn't tell if your face was natural or not

Noa_Berk: Is that supposed to be a compliment?

Cherryhead: Well, yea, because you're so pretty, I thought you were wearing makeup

Noa_Berk: Thanks then, I guess.

Cberryhead: You're not used to guys flirting, are you?

Noa_Berk: Nobody flirts with the girl in the wheelchair.

Cherryhead: What about before the accident?

Noa_Berk: Nah, they knew who my brother was and didn't want to mess with that.

Cherryhead: He must be pretty protective of you.

Noa_Berk: Yeah, he was.

Cherryhead: Why isn't he now?

Noa_Berk: He's not here anymore. He died in the accident that left me in a wheelchair.

Cherryhead: Oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry.

Noa_Berk: It's okay. I knew it'd come out eventually, but it's still hard to talk about. Everyone in my life tells me to move on, but I haven't come to terms with it yet.

Cherryhead: You two were pretty close, huh?

Noa_Berk: Yeah. He was my best friend. But then I lost him, and because I was crippled, I lost my other friends, too.