Soulmarks

Chapter 17: The Decision

I've been trying to enjoy these last few days with Atticus, but it's been hard. All I can think about is whether I should go back home. If I stay, I'm here with Atticus. I get to do school from home, and live with Anne and Phil, who have been the best co-parents I've ever had. But if I go, I might get to return walking instead of being in a wheelchair, but I have to give up seeing Atticus for at least a few months until a long break in my senior year.

I'd fallen asleep on the couch watching the Chronicles of Narnia with Atticus, and when I wake up, he's still snoring softly beside me. It's my last day here, and looking at him, I think I can finally decide.

When I look at him, I don't see the two of us doing things with me in a wheelchair. I see us going on hikes, having shopping trips at the mall, and being able to have an intimate relationship without my disability getting in the way. I know what I need to do, even if it hurts.

No one else is awake. It's only six-thirty. I've never been up this early. I'm tired from the slight lack of sleep, but I know I won't be able to fall back asleep. My chair is beside the couch, so I'm able to hoist myself into it without waking Atticus. I want to make breakfast. I just need to find something simple enough that I can do it from my chair.

I find a recipe for waffle mix online, and see that they have a waffle press, and figure that I should be able to pour the batter and work the press well enough by myself. I find and mix all the ingredients, but as I'm pouring the batter into the press, a sturdy pair of hands place themselves over mine, assisting me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I whisper.

"You should wake me. I'm your boyfriend. I want to be having these kinds of moments with you, before they're gone," he says.

"You can tell that I'm going to leave?" I ask. He nods.

"You've been sad and quiet lately. I just had this feeling that you would go. So I guess I'm right," he says.

"I don't want to leave you, Atticus, but whenever I look at our relationship, I see me walking, not in this wheelchair. I need to do this," I say. He hugs me before opening the press to flip out the first waffle.

"I know, it's okay. I'll miss you, but we can call, text, and video chat as much as we can, and I can come visit during your breaks, or you can come back here," he says. I smile.

"Yeah, that's true. It's not like this will be goodbye forever, right?" I ask. He nods.

"Exactly," he says.

"I still hate having this feeling. I think that this is the right thing to do, but part of me is screaming at me not to go," I say.

"Well, you'll have some hardships going back, and it's not unlike humans to try to make things easier on themselves, but you need this. You need more of your independence back," he says. We finish making the waffles, and I hug him.

"I'm just going to miss you so much. I feel like I belong here. It's going to suck trying to go back somewhere where I don't belong," I say.

"Well, did you ever consider trying to belong somewhere else in the school? You say you don't belong there, but that was really just with your old friends. Why not sign up for art classes or clubs and try to make new friends? That wouldn't be so horrible, right? They wouldn't care if you were walking or not." he says.

"You know, I never thought about that. I think I was too caught up because I'd lost the only friends I'd ever known that I never considered the possibility of making new ones," I say.

"See? So it doesn't have to be complete misery. Try to give it a shot with some optimism for me, will you?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'll try. Do you think you could make bacon? I want some, but I can't make it myself. The stove is too high," I say.