Under Your Skin | Jude Bellingham

008

Sleep wasn't coming easy tonight. I'd been tossing and turning for the past two hours, trying my best to drift off but my mind was wide awake. Various thoughts were accelerating around my head, a flurry of anxiety settling in the pit of my stomach as I tried my best to push it aside, but without any success. The silence and stillness of the house as everyone else slept peacefully in the other rooms meant I'd been left alone with my thoughts, and the overthinking had begun. Whilst I'd been sure temporarily moving to Germany had been the right decision, my thoughts were now beginning to contradict that. I suddenly felt like the worst person alive leaving my friends and family back home in Birmingham and scolded myself for being such a coward running away from my feelings.

I groaned and sat up, my eyes adjusting to the dimly lit room. I wanted coffee but knew the caffeine buzz would do nothing to help me sleep. My gaze fell onto the digital clock by my bed telling me that it was two am. I sighed; I'd wanted to be fully rested for the day of shopping Chloe had planned for us both as she got me used to the city, but it seemed likely I'd have to push through the day with low energy and a potentially low mood.

Suddenly I could hear movement; someone shuffling along the landing and down the stairs. Thank god someone else is awake, I thought, pleasantly surprised. I swung my legs off the bed, slipping my feet into my slippers and pulling a hoodie over my head as I headed towards the light coming from downstairs, expecting to see Chloe or Gio. It was only when I rounded the corner into the kitchen that I wished I'd stayed in bed.

It was actually Jude who looked up from the mug of hot chocolate he was currently swirling his spoon around in. "Can't sleep?" He said. I'd forgotten he was staying the night.

"Nope," I answered.

"Want me to make you a hot chocolate?"

"Alright then."

I watched as Jude busied himself with the task of making me a drink whilst I sat on one of the bar stools. I inhaled a shaky breath, willing myself to calm down.

"Do you think I made a mistake coming here?" I blurted out. Even Jude seemed surprised to hear me ask such a question.

"That depends, why did you come here?" He asked me.

There was a pause as Jude looked towards me, my
mouth half open as I contemplated telling the truth. Jude had already seen right through me, figuring out my feelings for Trent when no one else had, but that didn't mean I trusted him or wanted him to know my business.

"I think you already know," I said quietly, despite my own brain warning me to just shut up.

A slight frown appeared on Jude's face. I assumed he was wracking his brain to fill in the missing pieces to my vague answer. And then his eyes softened as realisation washed over his face. "Because of Trent and Hayley?" He asked gently.

I nodded my head, realising with horror that my eyes were suddenly welling up with tears. Please don't cry in front of Jude of all people, I pleaded to myself. But as the first tears began rolling down my cheeks, I knew it was too late. Jude grabbed the drink he'd made me and slid into the chair beside me, his body angled towards me.

"I mean that's not the only reason," I choked out, trying to backtrack and stop myself from crying. "I was growing tired of the same old thing every single day. I just wanted a change of scenery. And then Trent got with Hayley and I suppose that was the final straw."

"So you made this decision for yourself?" Jude prompted. I nodded again. "That's not a crime, Hannah."

"Yeah, but I just feel like such an awful human being. Hayley's my sister and I can't even be fully happy for her."