Under Your Skin | Jude Bellingham

015

What the hell was I doing?

That was the thought that crossed my mind whenever I glanced at Felix. Guilt overwhelmed me at the fact that I was now using him as a distraction because I was feeling sorry for myself. He was telling me about some childhood story of his, but I was barely listening, too busy focusing on what Jude was doing with Grace. He hadn't even spoken to me once that evening, far too occupied with his new girlfriend to even look my way.

I sighed, hating how in the space of a few hours he'd gone from being my friend Jude to the guy I wanted more than anything. The very thought of it was ruining what should've been a fun evening with my friends. Now I was sat wallowing in self-pity and envisioning myself dying alone — there seemed to be a pattern forming with the guys I liked; none of them ever seemed to feel the same.

"That dress looks amazing on you," Felix said. I smiled at him, but the compliment didn't feel the same coming from his lips. Felix didn't make me blush like Jude did. He didn't make me smile like an idiot like Jude did. "You okay?" Felix added. "You seem distant."

The dreaded question. I forced myself to grin and nod. "Yeah...just tired today," I lied. He didn't look convinced but fortunately for me, he didn't press any further.

"I'm just going to find the toilet," Felix announced.

"Okay."

He glanced back at me one more time as if he was going to say something else, but he must've decided against it since he left me in peace. The moment Felix stepped away, Jude came over and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Alright Hannie?" He grinned down at me.

"Mhm," I responded.

Jude looked at me. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Hannah?"

"Really, I'm fine."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Jude, I said I'm fine!" I snapped. I harshly jerked away from him, turning around to see a mixture of confusion and hurt on Jude's face. Now I felt bad. He hadn't exactly done anything wrong — he didn't know how much his actions were hurting me.

I should've apologised right there and then. But I didn't.

"Where's your girlfriend?" I asked bitterly.

"Who, Grace?" Jude said.

"Yes."

"I think she's talking to some friends of hers. Why?"

"Wow, I'm surprised she even left you alone for five minutes."

"We're not joined at the hip."

"You might as well be," I muttered miserably.

"Is that what this is about?" Jude questioned. "You have a problem with Grace?"

"I have a problem with you just letting her back in like you did," I answered honestly, "she seems a bit weird if you ask me." I couldn't believe I was being so blunt with him, but at that point, I was fed up. Jude wasn't the right person to take my frustrations out on, though — he didn't know that I liked him.

Jude frowned. "I'm the one who broke up with her, Hannah," he stated calmly.

"And?"