𝒮𝓃ℴ𝓌 ℴ𝓃 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝒷ℯ𝒶𝒸𝒽－ ᶜᵒⁿʳᵃᵈ ᶠⁱˢʰᵉʳ.

𝓅𝓇ℴ𝓁ℴℊ𝓊ℯ ⁰⁰

We've been going to Susannah's beach house in Cousins every summer since I was a baby. It's etched in my memory as the ultimate destination for endless sunshine and carefree days. It's become a part of me, ingrained in my very being. The memories of those summers are etched in my mind, and the anticipation builds all year long. I used to count the days, eagerly waiting for the moment I would step foot in that house, inhaling the familiar salty air and feeling the sand between my toes.

It's a place where time would seem to slow down, and worries melt away with the crashing waves. It was our sanctuary, our haven of sunshine and laughter.

The summer house was made up of so many things. It was the powdery sand beneath my toes as I walked along the shoreline, the invigorating rush of a late-night swim in the pool under the starry sky. It was the cozy movie nights we had with the moms and my best friend, Belly, snuggled up on the couch with bowls of popcorn, sharing laughter and stories that weave our lives together. But above all, it was the boys who bring an extra sprinkle of magic to this place- Conrad, Jeremiah and Steven.

It's more than just a house, though. It was a haven of treasured memories and unbreakable bonds. Their dads would visit from time to time, but they never truly belonged. They didn't share the same connection to this place as we do-the mothers and us kids.

In those precious summer months, everything good in my life seemed to converge. Everything magical happened between the months of June and August. It's as if the universe aligned to grant us moments of pure joy and possibility. The days felt endless, filled with laughter, adventures, and heartfelt connections that I hold dear.

Everything in life has always been so unpredictable, however, like a whirlwind that sweeps you off your feet and spins you around until you don't know which way is up anymore. But through it all, I held on to the certainty of having my mom and my summer family by my side. They were my constants, my pillars of strength, and together we weathered the storms that life threw our way. We grew up together, the boys, Belly and I. They were my constants in a world that often seemed uncertain.

But then it all came crashing down, just as I was on the cusp of entering a new chapter of my life. I was about to start high school when tragedy struck. It was a rainy day in Oakland, and my mother, Emilia Sinclair, was on her way back home from work. The roads were slick, visibility reduced by the pouring rain. That's when it happened. The call came, and my heart dropped. They told me my mom was in critical condition, her car crashed into a tree. It felt like the universe was playing a cruel joke on me.

For three agonizing days, I held on to hope. I prayed, I pleaded for her to come back to me. But despite her fierce fight, the universe had other plans. My mom didn't come back. It shattered me, tore a hole in my heart that still aches to this day.

Laurel, Belly and Steven's mother, came to my side during those dark times. She stayed with me for four months, supporting me, comforting me, as I navigated through the sea of grief. Eventually, I moved into my grandma's place and began homeschooling for my first year of high school. The thought of returning to Cousins for the summer never crossed my mind, even though Susannah and Laurel insisted I should. How could I go back to that house, knowing that my mom wouldn't be there with me? Most of my cherished memories with her were woven into the fabric of those walls, and the thought of stepping foot in that place without her was unbearable.

Three long years have passed since then, and I still haven't found the courage to face the ghosts of my past. Belly and Steven visited me during Thanksgiving and Christmas one year, and Susannah even made a trip with Jeremiah once during fall, showering me with so many gifts that my room couldn't contain them all. But amidst these fleeting moments, I haven't seen Conrad since that last summer in Cousins. The distance between us feels vast, a reflection of the changes and challenges we've all faced- him with their mother's cancer battle, me with losing my own. The distance and time have created a void that I yearn to fill.

Yet, deep down, a flicker of hope remains. Maybe it's time to face my fears and revisit the place that holds so many memories, both beautiful and painful. Perhaps, in the embrace of the familiar surroundings, I can find solace and healing. But for now, I continue to carry the weight of loss, longing for the day when I can find the strength to return to Cousins and reunite with the people who were once my summer family, hoping that they still hold a place for me in their hearts.