Stuck On Me- (loreen)

Golden Papers

The Nationaal Songfestival selection came to an end, leading me to a new stage of my life.
For years and years I've always just been someone in front of a tv screen watching song festivals, dreaming about participating in one and experiencing such a thing.
When that day came, I never expected people to cheer me up in the arena, commenting on my social media accounts, showing so much support.
Everything looked like a dream, and life was so unreal during that time. But when they announced my name and the applauses started being heard while the golden confettis fell on the ground, it was pretty much real. And it was just the start.

Being selected to participate in Eurovision by your own country can increase your confidence but being known by the whole world is even more amazing and that's what I was looking forward the most.
It was overwhelming but at the same time so exciting, million questions running through my head.
Even though I always like to keep up with everything I wasn't aware of who was also competing with me or which songs they were bringing.
I could've searched about it but I chose to let that stress away instead.

I also chase success and fame just like everyone else does in this competition, I tend to feel guilty sometimes, but in the end it's the way I can survive and I will be looking for these opportunities to win everywhere I can find them.

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April 7, Spain

After months, I was finally more inside the news, the participants and the songs.
After arriving in Madrid for the PreParty, I couldn't wait to meet everyone, I took a bath and decided to wear something nice. I'm totally aware that looks are very important during times like this, it's important to be iconic to win.
I chose some black leather pants open on the hips, a top, grabbed a ripped denim jacket and platform boots.
It was all part of the performance, from that moment on and while I was in the contest I had to be like that.
You can't only have a nice song, you also gotta be intelligent to go far.

I arrived the place with my team and that's when the nerves got harder to control.
The first person I met was a girl, sitting on a chair in the backstage. She looked so nice, I loved her makeup and outfit.
Alessandra was her name and she was representing Norway.
We talked for a long, long time about our expectations and fears, we really got along together.
Then a group of boys joined us, their band was called Joker Out and they were representing Slovenia.

I was so glad every time someone arrived, they brought so much good vibes with them.
In the end, we were all there for the same reason, with the same feelings and the same objective, no one was alone.

We were all sharing opinions about our favourite songs from each others and some name came up to the conversation.
They were talking about a woman, they said she was very iconic, she also won Eurovision before. Her name was Loreen, but I was totally lost in the conversation.

"Girl, I'm so sorry but who are they talking about?"- I had to ask Alessandra.
"Loreen, the singer from Sweden, she's participating again."- she told me.
"Oh wait! The one who has the Tattoo song?"- I was surprised.
"Yeah! She won Eurovision a couple of years ago with Euphoria."
I just gasped.

I loved that song but I never knew it was hers, neither did I know she was coming back.
I was pretty confident about my song but after watching her Melodifestivalen performance I knew I had no chance, and now after knowing she won years ago...
I wasn't sure about who Loreen was though, I didn't know how she looked like, neither anything about her life or career but after all this hype they put on her I got so interested.

"There she is."- Alessandra whispered to me, excited to see her.- "She is so beautiful, oh my God!"- she added.
And how right Alessandra was, Loreen had this mysterious energy, she was so nice to everyone, there was this amazing vibe wherever she was.

For me, you have two types of singers, the ones you feel like they're new in the industry, those are the ones who just sing and wear pretty clothes.
Then you have the others, who are powerful and you instantly know they're great performers and more... they're not just singers, they're artists. And that's what I felt about Loreen.
When she entered in the room, everyone went silent, she was really the big deal of this edition.

After some time, we got ready and we'd go on stage.
Everyone was so amazing and then, when Loreen went to perform, her brown dress fitted her so well, her long wavy hair just made it even better. Once again, I was feeling so drawn to her vibe and so was everyone else, I could see it.

When the girls got back, Alessandra and Mae joined me backstage and we were absolutely fangirling about Loreen. They were probably the ones I could relate the most among all the contestants.
Alessandra instantly got a crush on her and I can't blame her for it, Loreen was really something...
Mae couldn't stop talking about how iconic and incredible she was.
I agreed with everything they said, but I kept quiet, for some reason my thoughts were so loud inside my head that I couldn't even speak up.
So I just kept admiring her in silent and that was enough for me.

Then I went on stage and I couldn't help it but feel embarrassed for coming up after someone so amazing. People were loving it and cheering my song up but my thoughts weren't there, they were somewhere else.

After Madrid, similar moments happened in Amsterdam and London. The PreParties really brought us together, that's when Alessandra, Mae, the boys and I got inseparable during the whole trip.
But I still had an objective in mind and I couldn't lose the focus.

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(Ava's besties xD )