Stuck On Me- (loreen)

Our Stars

May 11, UK
When the Semi-Final night arrived, we were all in Alessandra's hotel room stuck in front of the tv waiting impatiently for it to start.
Käärija, Joker Out, Loreen and Luke were with us and all feeling quite drunk already, so imagining how the night was going to end wasn't very difficult.

Around the middle of the programme, Alessandra started live-streaming so we could share some ideas with the public for a while.
At least that was the initial goal. Although, they ended up making us feel more tempted to celebrate until there wasn't a single drop of alcohol left in the room.

In the middle of such an euphoria, I tried to find Loreen but she wasn't there with us anymore.
I looked around the room to find her alone in bed, looking intensely at her phone.
My heart tightened a little at that sight.
We were acting like kids, screaming, drinking too much, making an absolute mess and she wasn't really having it.
As the person who invited her, I felt guilty for leaving her alone as if I didn't care.
The best I could do was going sit next to her to make sure she wouldn't feel left out. It was finally time to stop being selfish like I've been during all the competition.

"Hey..."- I slowly crawled towards her in bed, sitting by her side.- "You okay?"

"Yeah."- she shrunk her shoulders, letting me know that in fact she wasn't.

"Did we do something wrong?"- I tried to look at her, since she was avoiding eye contact.

"You guys are having fun, that's fine for me. It's the internet, what people say hurts even if I know it isn't true."- she sighed.
I took a look at her phone screen, seeing a bunch of hateful comments. My happiness fade, not going to lie.
I knew Loreen always tried to send positive energies to everyone, being kind was always her first choice and knowing she was receiving that type of comments was really unfair.

"You know, they'll always talk shit. Sometimes what they say isn't even what they think, but their life is so miserable that hating is the only way they can feel better. A lot of people love you, don't listen to the other ones."- I rubbed her back and smiled, she finally felt comfortable to look at me.

"I know, I know. This usually doesn't even affect me much but today I'm feeling a little down."

"It's okay to have bad days, just put the phone away and let yourself enjoy the rest of the night, okay?"- I was aware that the alcohol was probably one of the main reasons why Loreen was in her feelings.

She laid next to me, snuggling closer so we could talk more comfortably.
The others being loud, running around and singing loudly didn't affect us anymore. It was like our conversation made me detach from reality, creating a bubble around us where there was just me, her and no one else.

For that reason, it took me a while to realize Alessandra was filming us.
"We have Ava and Loreen here."- she said, pointing the phone at us.- "They're saying they love you both together."- she added, after reading some comments.

"Oh, hey guys."- I turned to the camera.

"Hi guys, you just interrupted a very important moment."- Loreen joked.

She pulled me back down again, her movements were getting slower and dragged, showing that the bottle of tequila took some time to hit her but it did.
I just widened my eyes to Alessandra, signalling her to go away since Loreen could say something she shouldn't, her self control wasn't really there and so wasn't everyone else's.

"Loreen?"- I looked at her in the eye.

"Yes, darling?"- We stablished eye contact for what seemed like an eternity, I was nervous but I didn't dare to look away.
Her glistening stare was temping me. It was an hypnotic feeling I couldn't get out of, until I fell on my consciousness again.

"I think we drank too much."- I rubbed my eyes.

"Did we really?"- she got closer with a grin on her face.

"Oh yeah, absolutely. You should rest, Loreen."

"Mhmm maybe I should to go to my hotel."- she sat in bed, ready to get up.

"You can stay with me if you want, my room is in the next floor. It's quite late already for you to go on your own."- I wasn't really satisfied with the idea of her going to the hotel drunk at this hours of the night. Also, I loved to spend time with her so I'd be glad if she stayed.

"You sure? I don't wanna annoy you, I can be difficult to deal with when I'm drunk."

"You never annoy me, don't worry."

"Thank you for letting me stay then, honey."- she snuggled up again, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
Her warm hands were on my back, not letting me go away. Honestly, even if I had the opportunity, I'd never leave.

This was the moment I started thinking about every moment I've been selfish, when I refused to make too many friends so I could stay focused, I was also refusing my own feelings.
It was time to finally face the truth and the truth was that I was completely devoted to Loreen.

She was peacefully laying in front of my eyes, her beautiful dark hair painted the white sheets under me.
I let my finger slowly trace her face, touching her defined features as my eyes focused on her lips.
The alcohol was also guiding me and I was afraid of what I could possibly do.
The more I wanted to avoid those thoughts, the deeper I fell into them.
A smile appeared on her face as my hand touched her cheek.

"What's on your mind?"- her eyes opened, looking curiously at me.
I couldn't say it, we were both drunk and that wasn't the right time to make decisions, neither to confess any feelings.

"Nothing special. We should probably go to sleep, let's go to my room, okay?"- I didn't even give her time to answer. I quickly stood up to said goodbye to the others, Loreen did the same after me.

___

"Are you okay? You just got out so quickly."- Loreen insisted, closing my room's door behind her.

"I'm fine, just tired. Here you go."- I gave her one of my pijamas. "Get yourself comfortable."

I changed to my pijamas and laid in bed. I couldn't look at her face, I was afraid of losing control, even if maybe that was the best way of dealing with the truth, maybe I should've let myself do whatever my mind wanted.
I laid in bed, I knew in the other day I'd be sober. I prayed for my sleep to arrive fast and hopefully she'd still be by my side the next morning.
Loreen lay down with me, rubbed my arm and whispered me a good night.

It hurt to act this way, so cold and distant from her, I wished her face was the first thing I got to see when I woke up.
So, the moment my eyes closed, I wondered if the stars were aligned above us.