Life After Near Death

Wounds Deeper Than Blood

"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."

― Laurell K. Hamilton

Gray strode around town, brooding over the kiss.

Natsu ... kissed him.

He had been kissed ... by Natsu!

It felt unreal. How had that happened? Why? What had Natsu meant by it?

Natsu wasn't even gay! He liked some girl! What the hell was up with that sudden, random, awkward kiss?

Natsu had been forceful, even teasing him into doing more, yet he had kept pulling away and looking ashamed.

Or was it disgusted? At least once, he had looked ready to vomit.

Gray could not wrap his head around it. Was it love? Was it pity? Was it just teasing around?

"Dammit," he whispered to himself. The kiss had been too sudden and too strange. If they could have talked about it, discussed what they thought of this first kiss, if they had time to confirm each other's feelings ... but Natsu took off.

Or had he run away?

He was out of town now, off on some mission with Happy, leaving Gray alone to mull over what happened and what to do about this sudden, utterly unexpected development. Gray still half thought that this was a dream, he had imagined the whole thing, maybe he was still dreaming and when he woke up he would have a morning woody and vague memories that he must have dreamed of something nice.

He hoped to Hell this was not another dream!

Natsu had offered to be equals. Or was that offer just Gray's imagination? Had it really been about the kiss, or had what he said applied only to the fight? It had been so vague.

Gray was in the market district, and he glanced through the shirts again since he forgot to buy one earlier that day. He spent so much money on new clothes since his kept getting lost. That usually meant he could get the latest fashion, but today he figured on just buying something off the discount rack. Across from him were two girls also looking at clothes that were for sale.

"Hey, what about this?" one girl asked her friend, holding up a garish shirt. "Do you think my boyfriend will like it?"

"Oh my God, that is so gay!" the friend laughed loudly. "You don't want some lame, gay shirt for your boyfriend. People will think he's weak."

Gray's brow twitched. Did being gay make people think you were weak? He had lost to Natsu again; he did not want people to think he was weak.

Gray turned away from the clothes. He was still not even sure if he was gay, or bisexual, or whatever. He just had fantasies. Highly erotic fantasies! Maybe it was hormones, and that was all. He was young, and maybe it was merely a phase, just curiosity, a desire to experiment with alternatives.

Could that work? Two guys curious about same-sex love, just experimenting, testing out the possibility, without a promise that it could lead to more: could it work and not utterly ruin their friendship? Could they stick to just kisses, maybe touching and sucking each other, without sex and pain and fighting over who topped and who bottomed? He did not want to ruin his friendship with Natsu over some silly curiosity and stupid fantasies.

Natsu was at least curious too, right?

That kiss...

Why had Natsu kissed him in the first place? For what reason? He had to feel the same way, right? A person does not just randomly kiss someone else. There had to be a reason why Natsu would kiss him in the first place.