Life After Near Death

Under the Shade of a Tree

"In the midst of love, within my gaze,

in everything, I can't see but one thing,

no shade of tree, no blade of grass,

only a vision of you."

— Emperor Fushimi

Natsu dragged Gray along. People were beginning to peek out from where they hid during the freak blizzard. The frosty roads were melting, water trickled along the gutters, and slushes of ice and snow slid down the eaves of buildings to plop moistly on the ground where they melted back into the earth. Natsu's feet stopped crunching on ice and began to pound on wet asphalt. By the time they turned off the road and ran down to the river, the snow was all gone and the world glimmered in wet beads of dew.

Natsu immediately pressed Gray up against a tree by the riverbank and began to kiss him with the same passion as earlier. However, now Gray flailed out.

"Wait," he tried to say, but the scalding tongue attempted to mute him. He pressed his hands on Natsu's chest and shouted, "I said wait!"

Natsu stepped back in surprise. Gray wiped a hand over his mouth and huffed to catch his breath. Kissing Natsu was physically and emotionally exhausting!

"Look, I'm glad you feel this way about me," he said, shaking a bit inside. "I am, honestly. And ... I ... I feel ... the same," he said awkwardly. "I really do."

Natsu sensed there was more to come, and not good. "But?" he asked expectantly.

"But ... I don't know about this yet," he confessed. "It's something I need to think about."

Natsu let out a grunt of frustration. "We've been spending months thinking about it on our own. We both held back because we didn't know how each other felt. Now we do!" he cried out, but all he got was an ambivalent shake of the head. "Come on, Gray!" he shouted. "We like each other. What's the problem?"

Gray glared up at him. "The problem is that now it's not a matter of just fantasizing. It's real, it's here, and ... fuck, I really don't know what to do."

Natsu shrugged as if it was obvious. "Go out with me."

"No!"

Gray gasped as soon as he shouted it, and he glanced up in fear. Sure enough, Natsu looked hurt by the rejection.

"I ... I don't mean—" Fuck, wrong thing to say! "I need time, Natsu. I need to think about this. I'm not gay and— This whole thing, it changes everything."

Natsu nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, it does. Do you want it, though?" he asked cautiously. "Do you want ... me?"

Gray closed his eyes and turned his face away. Voices were shouting in his head, protests against it, screams for it, a desperate voice begging to kiss and make out some more, one that sounded slick and sensual telling him how hot Natsu's body was and how good it would feel to be inside or even to have Natsu thrust inside of him, and yet another voice shrieking that there was no way in hell he could put a dick into his ass.

Gray rubbed the tension out of his forehead, trying to push away those clamorous voices. Softly, his words shaking, he said, "I don't ... not want you. I like you."

He finally looked up and saw the silly happiness in that face he knew so well, this boy he had grown up with, a rival and friend for more than half his life. He ached that he could not shove the doubts aside, grab Natsu, and give in. He wanted to, yet his heart was not ready.