above all (m×m) ✔

22) castles in the air

Brandon lay on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen and feeling sorry for himself. He was grossed with himself and his inability to manage simple, basic interactions. He was supposed to be getting better now that Steven was in his life, and yet he just kept getting worse by the day.

Brandon had been let down so many times, that it was possible he was ruining his own chances now that no one was doing it for him. He couldn't blame it all on some picture, because not just a piece of paper could cause a person to spiral, to break down like this. He couldn't help but wonder that he was sabotaging his own happiness, thinking that he didn't deserve anything better or.. to be loved.

Brandon's mother, Małgorzata, moved to America from Poland in hopes of becoming an actress. The first thing she did was change her name to Maude, wanting to fit in the industry. To say she was beautiful wouldn't have done justice to her lively doe eyes, full lips and doll-like facial features. She was a work of art, and with her looks alone she truly had a chance to make her dream come true.

She never told Brandon or Shirley what turned her dreams to be just castles in the air. Perhaps she just wasn't a good actress or the competition was too tough, perhaps she was aiming too high. In many ways, she remained a mystery to her children. They never learned about her family in Poland or if she had been happy before moving from there.

Had they been fortunate, she would have found new dreams to follow. She would have seen that she had two beautiful children, who couldn't have been further from a failure. She could have protected her children from their abusive father, given them a chance of a better life. She could have filled their heads with dreams and not let them feel, even for a second, that they were unwanted, or unloveable. 

The Moores were never fortunate. 

Maude chose alcohol and, on certain occasions, hallucinogens over her children, the drunken haze the only sanctum from her feeling of bitter failure. She was never abusive, she never raised her voice or her hand against her children. She just wasn't.. much of anything. Not a mother, not a person, just a shadow, a ghost. A non-person, whose laughter was a rare occurrence, a smile even more so.

Brandon sat up when he heard the doorbell. He thought that maybe the lack of those smiles and the laughter was why he had been so drawn to Eli once and later on to Steven. They were the kind of people who brought joy with them wherever they went. They could bring out a smile out of anyone.. The only exception being Ash, who had been born with a scowl on his lips, but that was a whole nother story.

"What.." Brandon faltered, as Shirley plunged her lithe body into the apartment through the door chink.

"She said we need to talk." Steven explained, an apologetic smile on his lips. He entered the hallway and when the door clicked shut behind him, it sounded like doom in Brandon's ears. Brandon glimpsed at Shirley's bleak, frowning face and contemplated on fleeing from whatever the two had planned over his head, but Steven knew to anticipate that. He placed a hand on Brandon's lower back and nudged him towards Shirley. 

"You found a picture of dad?" She asked, her voice deceptively calm. When Brandon gave her a tense nod, she crossed her arms over her chest. "Where exactly did you find it?"

"It was.." Brandon gulped, crossing his arms over his chest as well and kept as much distance from Shirley as it was possible in such a tiny apartment. He turned to Steven. "You told her?"

"I thought you had told her already." Steven shrugged. His nonchalant attitude was infuriating to Brandon, although he wasn't quite sure why. It wasn't like Steven had spilled any huge secret or deliberately gone behind his back. Perhaps he just needed to feel fretful or else he would have felt.. shame, and guilt. Both feelings were too intense to endure.