𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 • ᴊɪᴋᴏᴏᴋ

ᴘʀᴏʟᴏɢᴜᴇ

There's a heavy thud against the main door to their house at midnight. There's a light shuffle in the bedroom and the padding of bare feet against wooden floorboards. A hand reaches for the door knob and with a twist, the lock clicks open. The door swings inwards and along with it, a man no older than twenty-five tumbles in. His clothes haphazardly cover his body and he staggers toward the amber-eyed male with an outstretched arm.

He rests his palm against the man's cheek, grinning wide to display his bunny teeth to the other. The stench of alcohol hits the dark-haired male and his face seems to crumple with disappointment, tears piling at the corners.

"Jiminie," the drunk male slurs.

"Why?" comes a question, although the answer is already anticipated.

"Needed it. It was calling me."

The tears leak down Jimin's cheeks as he nods slightly.

"You promised to try."

"Tried," the man says and Jimin knows it's a lie.

It's always been a lie.

And some part of Jimin knows his Jungkook is long gone. The man who stands before him is nothing like the Jungkook he fell in love with.

More tears leak.

"Let's get you to bed," he murmurs and tugs on Jungkook's arm.

The man leans over Jimin as he struggles to pull his shoes off.

"I'll do that," says Jimin, "you just follow me."

Jimin guides the younger male into their bedroom and helps him get under the covers. No sooner than Jungkook's head hits the pillow, he falls asleep. His head lolls to the side, his position awkward as one leg dangles off the bed.

Jimin swallows a lump as he gently pulls the younger's shoes off and places his leg over the mattress. He takes a seat at the edge of the bed and casts a glance to his husband's face.

The tears roll down faster.

The face is no longer one that is familiar to him. Jungkook is a complete stranger to him now. Jimin no longer recognises the man in his bed.

His eyes trail over the framed photograph of them that stood over their bedside table, lit by the dull light from the desk lamp. Jimin's heart aches as he realises just how much he misses Jungkook, his old Jungkook.

He smiles to himself as he takes a trip down memory lane to the day of their wedding. It wasn't a grand ceremony but having family around made it seem grand. There were smiles, laughter, and tears of joy that were shared that day. Two years into their marriage, their sailing ship hit rocky waters.

Somehow, the author found himself seeking alcohol as a measure of escape from the real world for a while. After a fight, Jungkook would return home completely drunk and pass out on the front porch, a behaviour that really freaked Jimin out.

But the once-in-a-while-drinking-to-reduce-stress soon turned into a weekly routine. Then, it gradually turned into a daily routine till Jungkook's life became dependent on it. It wasn't as though Jimin hadn't tried. He had.

But he couldn't always be there around Jungkook as a personal bodyguard to ensure the younger wouldn't drink, and his husband always took the opportunity. Jimin had pleaded for Jungkook to visit a therapist, but the younger had exploded as soon as the topic came up.

The vases had flown off the tables and the mirror in the living had shattered as a result. It was the first time Jimin had feared Jungkook. It was the first time Jungkook's eyes held no warmth in them, the first time Jimin saw a stranger in him.

Jungkook had never raised a hand on Jimin but the emotional suffering he had pushed his husband through seemed to hurt way more than physical wounds inflicted on his body would. When Jungkook was sober, Jimin would try to get his husband to talk to him but Jungkook's random mood swings made it hard to have a decent conversation with him.

Somedays, Jungkook promised he would improve; promised to try. Jimin's hope would shatter with every broken promise. The strain on Jimin's shoulders only grew as he tried to keep them from falling apart while Jungkook remained blind to his pain as well to their crumbling relationship.

Jimin didn't give up though. This was his Jungkook and he couldn't just let him slip through his fingers so easily, so he stayed and he fought.

But he was alone.

His back was heavy with the burden that Jungkook unloaded upon him and his very own load. His hope gradually began to fade to non-existence and somewhere deep down he knew their relationship was far too gone to save. Somewhere deep down he knew he couldn't lose himself in the process of trying to find Jungkook and with an aching heart, he decides to quit on them.

He knows he's fought too long. He knows he's tried. He knows there's no improvement. He knows his Jungkook is no longer with him. With a heartbroken sob, he clutches their photograph close to his chest, his tears blurring his vision.

And he knows this is it for them.

Once he lets go, there's nothing holding them together.

The last strand of hope snaps and he lets out an anguished cry as he slides down the wall to the floor, his chest aching unbearably.

He let the photograph drop to the floor beside him.

It's his goodbye.

——

"Addiction is a disease that makes you too selfish to see the havoc you created or care about the people whose lives you have shattered."

28 May, 2023