begin again

40. let light be light

"bye girls I love you, you guys can come and crash over here whenever you want" she waves from her porch "thanks auntie we'll come over more we promise" I shout with my out of my car "love you" Elsie screams one last time.

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We pull up to Elsie's apartment and pauses the music and looks me dead in the face

"what?"

"Don't what me Ivy Monroe, Gracie's been texting you since that night with Mom why didn't you respond?"  shit "Because I'm with you, I don't get much time with you I'm not going to text people," I say shrugging trying to act as calm as possible "I didn't mean to snoop but she seems worried, really worried. Don't ghost her"

"I'm not" she gives me a knowing look "I know things with Mom affect you a lot but please don't shut down you obviously care for her and shit maybe you even love her, so let her in. From what I've heard you say about her it sounds like she would understand" We stay silent for a second, and I can feel her eyes on me "I don't know why I get like this anytime Mom comes around again" she smiles putting her head on my shoulder "everything will be okay"

"I hope so pooh"

"of course it will Eeyore" I laugh at the use of our old nicknames we called each other growing up "You and me, we'll be just fine" We get out of my car and I walk her up to her door "I love you and I'll visit you more often, sorry i haven't been around"

"I know you're busy being famous" I shake my head and scoff "No it's not that, it's because sometimes it hurts to be here everything reminds me of-" Elsie grabs my hand squeezing it tight, and gives me a sympathetic look "I know Ve i don't blame you. you always had to deal with them more, I know it hurts"

"I will visit though" I nudge her giving her a weak smile "I'll keep you to that".

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