𝐛𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 ❝ [requests temporarily closed] ¡! ❞

🧷 seokjin ¡! ❞ eating disorder

[requested by CRANExsidneetfanfic]

A/N

honestly, writing this chapter took me so long because it was hard to bring myself to write some scenes. the topic is heavy and difficult and in no mean i wanted to shallow it in any way, although i believe it's impossible to portray it with its all aspects in a single chapter, written a bit messily due to the fact i didn't want to keep you waiting even longer than you already have. to capture the true nature of anxiety, depression, and eating disorder it takes a lot of empathy, understanding, and maybe even experience. today we're going to explore it more from the tip of the iceberg, since what's beneath the surface simply deserves not one but several chapters, which i'm not going to fit into this book. thank you for understanding and take care!

[...]

! trigger warning !

eating disorder, possibly disturbing behaviors, body image dysmorphia, anxiety, depression, disturbing scenario, heavy angst

[...]

100.

128.

144.

150 grams. perfect.

jin carefully takes his bowl off the kitchen scale, slowly making his way toward the dining table where everyone else already sat at. the conversations are buzzing in the back of his mind, noise acknowledged yet words not processed. it's nothing important anyway, he reasons. they are all just joking around, chatting about some non-committing topics. chuckles and giggles fill the air, light-hearted atmosphere covering the room like a warm blanket.

how jin wishes that this evening could become a happy memory.

"jiminie, you should wear a jacket for the next shooting!" jungkook exclaims, imitating the well-known movement from blood, sweat & tears in which jimin shrugged his jacket off his shoulder. the six of them laughs.

their hyung only forces out a smile. yet no one seems to notice that shift of mood.

they all keep talking. and talking. and talking.

and jin stirs his oatmeal in the bowl with a spoon, round and round. and over. and over. and over again.

"it's going to be cold," yoongi remarks upon seeing his older friend's action.

it's not like i'm gonna eat it anyway. jin thinks to himself bitterly.

"i like it cold," he murmurs instead, dismissing him.

139 kcal. seokjin shudders at the thought, carrying his (still full) plate to the bathroom, just after everyone else finally left. he purposely chose a type of food that would have no issue with being flushed down the toilet.

as he passes by the mirror, he promises himself to take a quick peek underneath his shirt, just in case something has changed in those last three hours since he last checked.

he sighs upon seeing no changes, maybe he even looks a bit more bloated.

just a quick look. it won't take long. he tells himself, the voice at the back of his head nagging at him to pull out the scale from beneath the sink.

57,5 kilograms.

57,5 kilograms?

the singer frowns. this morning it was at 56. what has changed?