The Brightest Star

Chapter Nine

Her white and black cap on her head, she walked on the pavement, her mind completely lost. The sun was surprisingly shiny for an early November morning. She loved it. The world didn't need to cry with her.

She quickly reached her destination. Only a couple of minutes separated her house from Matt's. His parent's house.

She could hear people talking in the backyard but Lia couldn't gather the courage to go to the gate. Not yet. Sitting on the bench that welcomed them more than once during their friendship, she took the notebook out of the box she was carrying and settled it next to her..

That was it. One whole year without him. Oh had she dread that day.

The house was as lovely as she remembered it. The white façade had known whiter days but was still full of life. A single tear rolled on her cheek. They had put a picture of Sam in front of us for the ceremony, labelled "To our loved son." His smile was so bright in the picture... She had taken it on a day at the lake. Alex kept falling off a boat and Matt couldn't stop making fun of him. And she was just there... Absorbed by his beauty and his aura. His laugh felt like the only sound around and his smile could lighten up a house. He was the best person to have around.

Two people she didn't know rang the doorbell and she quickly pulled her cap down on her face a little so his parents wouldn't recognize her. As much as she wanted to stay discreet, Lia couldn't help but look at them from the other side of the road. Hugging their new guests, his parents looked more tired than what she remembered. Their hair was grayer but they had a bright smile.

Lia took a moment to realise how absurd this was. She had spent the whole year in the dark, crying her eyes out, having nightmares when his own parents had managed to accept and move on. And even if it was only a mask, it was better than she could ever do.

She waited until the door closed to walk up to their door and stop a dozen centimetres from it. Setting the box on the doorstep, she turned around and walked over to the bench again.

The memories were gone. Back where they truly belonged. They could get his hoodie and their ring back. It was their right to have all the possessions of their sons. Lia had Matt's note anyway. She didn't think they could bear the meaning of it and it was something that only she was meant to see anyway.

Grabbing the notebook for the last time, she wrote her final entry.

"I'm sitting at our spot but this time, I'm alone.

Your parents look happy... I wonder what they'll think when they'll discover the box and everything inside. I don't have the courage to go talk to them. There will be too many questions that I won't be able to answer and I do not want to go through that. Not again. They said goodbye, and it is my turn to do so.

Looking at that ceremony and at that picture of you out there, I wonder what would have happened if we had talked. Just once. What would the outcome be? Would you still be with us? With me?

I know I could have written about a lot more memories but they're safe inside my head. These were the most important, I needed to get them out. And even if I knew it already, writing all of that made me miss my brother. I wish I could've helped you... I'm sorry I couldn't help you.

Thank you. Thank you for all those years and all those memories. Thank you for showing me life was meant to be lived. Thank you for allowing me to be a better person. Thank you for always helping me and making sure I was alright. Thank you for showing to the world what an angel was.

I could write pages and pages about you, about us, about our memories, the ones we had and the ones we could have had. The void in my heart will never be filled. I will forever feel guilty about what I've done and what I haven't done. I wish I could write forever and tell you all the things I've never told you but now I must end this story. Not because I want to, but because I can no longer write about what is no more. But believe me, I miss you.

I miss you more now, at six feet apart, than I've ever missed you before. Close enough to love you but far enough to shatter me. We're so close yet so far. Like stars. You told me it was over. Yet we had so many things we hadn't experienced. I was ready to write them with you but you tore out the pages. I remembered when we met, I remembered how you sounded, I remembered how you smiled. Now I'm missing bits and pieces that will never come back. You gave me a reason and I tried to understand but I'll forever wonder what could have happened if the book had stayed intact.

You had this wildness no one else had. I miss it. I miss you. "My little star"... That's what you kept calling me after that one night at the lake.

Who knew you would end up being mine? And that you'll forever be. Thousands if not millions of people probably look at this specific star that I see every night and imagine that it's their loved ones shining for them. And even if it's only a fairytale, I like to imagine that it is you. That you shine for me in the night like you used to shine next to me. So bright.

As I write these last sentences I see all those pages left. And I realise that our time together ran out faster than the ink I have. I'm gonna leave them blank and let my imagination run wild on what other memories we could have had. This book will remain intact.

I miss you brother.

Please, keep shining for me. My brightest star.

I love you.

-Lia"