Fix You

CHAPTER 2: "Losing You"

Red couldn't even look her in the eye. "A mistake..." It echoed inside his head. It was all just a mistake; this is the first time in years that he had let himself listen to his heart, give way to his emotions; "and look at where it got you now..." A small voice inside his head whispered to him. He swallowed the lump that was on his throat and nodded a little, slowly he stood up without giving her a backwards glance. He made a quick grab of his boxers and donned on his robe; Lizzie stood up from the bed, and stared at the man before her, swallowing the lump in her own throat she rasped "where are you going?" She asked knowing it was a stupid question. What did she expect? That even when she had told him that it was a mistake he'd still stay with her?
At that moment Red chose to ignore her question and walked towards the door, holding the knob and twisting it open he said in a very small voice; "I'm sorry Lizzie..." He said in a voice so small it almost ended like it was a whisper and exited through the door without looking back. He sounded so broken, so fragile and at that instant she regretted what she did. Wrapping the blankets around her naked body, she stood up and went after him "Red!" She shouted at him and ran to the door. "Shit!" She cursed herself; going back to the room she donned on her own robe and went to his own bedroom door. She knocked on the wooden oak, her heart on her throat "Ray..." She said, but there was no sound. She knocked again, knowing that he was inside; "Ray, please let me explain..." She tried to explain. She took hold of the door knob and tired twisting it open, but it was locked. There was no use in picking it knowing that he might've used the deadbolt to lock himself inside, away from her. She had called him a monster in the past, and looking at herself now she realized that he wasn't the monster, she was. She placed her forehead on the cold wooden door and whispered "Ray, I am so sorry... Please... I'm so so sorry Ray..." But still she was met by silence.

It was well into daybreak, and Red still hadn't managed a shut eye. Quickly after he left her room he went straight to the bathroom and locked himself inside, letting the tears fall freely. Moments later he heard her knocking but it was all too much for him to take. The pain, the rejection, the look in her eyes as she said those words to him. He loved her oh so much that he'd give his own life, only if she knew. He knew he was asking for too much, how would a lovely young woman like her love a man like him? He destroyed her peaceful life and brought in all sorts of danger, he had showed her that what she had was all a lie, that her life was a whole lie. She had called him a monster, and yes, he believed her. If his Lizzie could see him as nothing but as a monster then it is true. He was nothing but an empty shell of the man who he used to be. He leaned his head back on the door trying to calm his heavy breathing; why did he even let his emotions rule him? For so long he had kept those things buried deep in the crevices of his heart where no man could dig it up. For years he had put up a wall around his heart, protecting himself from the cruel world and it only took one woman to bring all those walls down. After she had brought them down, he thought he had seen light, but tonight... All he could see was darkness. Perhaps it was the only thing left in his life, darkness. There was no hope, no light, no nothing. Just darkness. How could have he been such a fool?

After managing to take a decent shower, he packed his things in a bag and scribbled a simple note to leave her by. Slowly he dressed and packed his belongings. Quietly he exited his room and left the folded piece of paper on the table where she'd be able to find it when she wakes. Holding onto the knob, he took one last look at the far end of the hall fixating his gaze to the door of her room. He felt new set of tears prickling his eyes, and without thinking back he opened the door and walked away. It was the only thing left to do, he couldn't let her see how vulnerable he was. He couldn't let her see the poor excuse of a man that he is. Yes, he loved her but she didn't love him; there's nothing keeping him here. He loved her, and he will never stop, he's too far in too deep to stop now. He will love her from afar, perhaps her life will be better when he's far away. She deserves the best, and it wasn't him.

Lizzie didn't know what to do, her hear ached for the man across the hall from where she is. Finally she decided that he was everything to her, and she vitally needed him. She had to make things right, to tell him that she was wrong, and perhaps tell him the truth. She stood up and donned on her robe, she quietly exited the room and went to his door. "Ray?" She called out quietly. She tried prying the door open and it clicked, she poked her head inside only to see a well made bed. She furrowed her brows and continued on walking. "Ray?" She called out for him from the living room, and still nothing. She looked into the kitchen and he wasn't there either. Finally she saw something atop the coffee table along with a single red rose. She slipped the card open and the words stole the air from her lungs. There was nothing but two simple words "I'm sorry..." It read. Quickly she looked into the coat close to see that his scarf, hat, and coat were gone. She ran into his room and looked into the wardrobe, it was empty.

He picked his pockets in search of his car keys. Once he found them, he threw his bags inside the boot and got inside the driver's side. He placed the key in the ignition and let the engine roared to life, he took one last look to the balcony that lead to her room, and with a heavy heart he drove away.

Lizzie heard the sound of a car engine and quickly ran to the balcony only to see the red lights and the dust it left behind. Tears ran down her face unknown, she felt her heart clench and the wind taken away from her lungs. What had she done? She loved him that was for sure, and she knew that he loved her even if he haven't voiced it out yet. She slid down onto the floor not knowing where they were leading now, last night was the first time she ever really felt love and what did she do? She drove away the only man who didn't dare lie to her. He only wanted to protect her, even love her perhaps. "Why do you have to be such a fool?" The little voice inside my her head shouted "COWARD!" The voice yelled at her. She chocked out ugly sobs as she felt her heart finally breaking into millions of pieces, only this time he wasn't to blame, she is. She did this, and she guessed this is the price she has to pay.

Red drove away not knowing where to go. Finally he decided on one last desperate act. He pulled out his cell, and looked into the contacts. First he called out to Dembe saying that he needed the jet today ASAP. Dembe didn't asked assuming that they were just taking another vacation, after all he managed to keep his emotions at bay, even for a little while. He slept on scrolling through the contacts; there was Harold, "Dear God, I wouldn't call him...not for this one at least." There was Maddie "she's not part of the business here..." Then there was Samar; "she'd never understand me..." Then there was Donald; "not in a million years, except only if he was the last man on Earth, maybe then he'd try." And then there was one. Aram Mojtabaii. Red tried to weigh his options, he's a sweet kid, maybe he'll understand. Without really noticing he had pushed the call button, he furrowed his brows; "I guess it's too late for that now.." And just like that, Aram picked up. "H-hello? Mr. Reddington..." He managed to stammer out; he took a deep breath and tried to remain calm "Aram..." He said calmly, "I-is there...um...anything I-I c-can do for you, s-sir?" He asked kindly; again he weighed his options, and he decided to dive in head first. "Aram, can you do me a favor?"
Aram finally manage to ask without stammering; "is there anything wrong, sir?" He asked sounding a little worried, Red tried to calm his breathing but still sounded a little shaky "can-can you please leave a message for Agent Keen, from me?" He asked. There was a short silence from the other side of the line before he answered "sir, aren't you w-with her?" Red sighed, "please, Aram...c-can you do this f-for me?" He asked stammering a bit, and Aram knew something was up, and he really couldn't deny him. "Alright sir, what would it be..." Red sighed knowing this was it; there was no hold up, this was really it. "P-please tell her...I'm...I'm gonna be away for a while." He started emotions heavy on his throat. "And please, tell her..." He closed his eyes momentarily since he was driving; "please tell her, I love her...." The revelation made Aram's eyes almost budge out of his head but said nothing in return, instead he continued to listen to the other line "...I don't care if she loves someone else, just tell her. Please tell her not to be worried or bothered at because I'm not hoping she'll love me back..." He said with a little bitter laugh, trying to gauge himself from his emotions "...I-I-know it sounds so foolish, and I can't change...things, but please...please tell her...I love her."
Aram sighed and bit his lower lip; so he loved her, but why was he running away? He nodded his head and quiet replied "alright, I'll be sure to tell her when he comes in today..." Red sighed and smiled a sad smile, he was about to thank him but suddenly there was a loud bang! He felt himself being thrashed away, he could still hear Aram from their other line, but sadly the oblivion took him away, and he succumbed into darkness...