Fix You

CHAPTER 6: "How to Save a Life"

*between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came*

Liz was suddenly jerked out of her fitful sleep by a loud beeping sound. Wrenching her eyes open, Liz stared at the heart monitors sitting on the opposite side of the bed. To her amazement the red line that had been. Constant for over two weeks had started jumping up and down more violently. The time between each successive need decreased, and Liz felt her heart skip in her chest. Gazing down at the criminal beside her, Liz held her breath. Slowly, Red opened his eyes. Liz felt tears spring to her eyes, yet she refused to let them fall. Carefully, she reached out and gently placed her right hand on his soft, relaxed face. Red's gaze was drawn to her touch, yet slowly he lofted his eyes to stare at her. As they eyes locked, Liz let out the breath she'd been holding as Red continued to gaze at her.

"Hey" she managed to say, releasing her hand a bit after realizing how tightly I was holding it. Still Red stared at her; "hey..." She said gently "how are you?" He tried sitting up but failed, his breaths now ragged; he isn't saying anything. Oh no. Could it be?
"Wait..." She said remembering what the nurses and the doctor told her and Dembe "there is no definite answer to what he'll experience when he regains consciousness..." And right there it started to click. "You remember who you are don't you?" Still he doesn't say anything, instead he continued to look at her strangely "what's your name?" She says slowly, making sure not to confuse him; "R-Ray-Raymond." He croaks finally, his voice very hoarse. "R-Ray." She sighed "oh, thank God" then she just had to make sure; "When is your birthday Ray?"
"F-February 7, 1960"? He continues carefully; "I-I-I have t-to go...F-FBI...a-after me..." He said trying to get up. His words were broken but the doctors said it was normal for someone who was recovering from head trauma, so this was a start.
But why did he say that the FBI was after him? *oh god no...* Lizzie thought. She didn't want to overwhelm him with words since he just woke up, but there's one more thing she needs to ask him. "S-am..." He mumbles "what?" I asked him "Sam. Sam Milhoan." *wait.no* Lizzie says in her mind "Sam Milhoan?" She asked, holding on to his hand tighter. Then he noticed it and he pulled his hand away "w-who are y-you?" *no, no...this is not happening.* she thought again "R-Ray" she said her voice braking. "you remember me, right? Liz Keen? FBI? We worked together...?"
Surprise and shocked were burning in his eyes and the color from his face paled. He looked scared, terrified even. "N-no. I-it wasn't my f-fault... The f-fire... I-I only wanted t-to sa-save the little g-girl..." He stammered cowering away from her, and shook her head vehemently "p-please l-let me g-go... M-my fa-family, m-my wife C-Carla a-and my d-da-daughter J-Je-Jenny p-ple-ase... They n-need me... D-don't harm t-them p-please, I-i'd do a-anything, p-lease...d-don't." He was clearly panicking and backing away from her, he was afraid she was going to hurt his family.*no, please...no* she thought "Ray, it's me Lizzie" she repeated clearly, feeling that is sinking in her stomach "Ray, you're okay, you work with me, "The Blacklist remember?" Red Shook his head vehemently again, "no...no list..." He stuttered. "Yes there is, you work with me, Don, Aram, Harold, and Samar...Dembe and Kate" He shakes his head again "N-never worked with t-them. O-or have t-the list... W-ork for N-Naval Intelligence. Get me Sam...my family."
"Red" she pleaded close to tears; "please." *you have to remember please, you have to...* she thought to herself.
"Don't know you..." Red shakes his head again, the look in his was blank and unreadable, she knew it was too late. She reached for his hand again to comfort him but she jerks it away and leans away "g-get away from me." Red hisses, his eyes blazing. "No, Ray, pl-"
"Get away!" He demands protectively his voice hoarse but now intelligible for the doctors outside the room to hear. And just like that her heart shattered into millions of pieces. Because it was all gone, she realized that now. Every relationship and bond that they had was gone. Aram, Samar, Even Dembe and Mr. Kaplan and most especially Lizzie. Everything. Every thought. Every memory all of their times spent together, he won't remember any of it. Not even when they fought and she drove him away. It's all gone. She should have known. The doctors warned her about his head trauma could result in unknown side effects one of which is this.
The doctors rush at the same time, one of them pressing buttons on the machine behind Red and the other trying to calm him down but he frantically shakes his head. Realizing that she should leave, she stood up and backed away from the room processing just what happened. And it is right there and then, standing outside the hospital room where the love of her life was being treated for severe head trauma, that she fell apart. Not physically, but mentally. Because he doesn't remember Dembe or Kate his family now, his colleagues, and course his loved one, Lizzie.