Fix You

CHAPTER 10: "Terrified"

*and I'm in love, and I'm terrified for the first time and the last time in my only life.*

It didn't take long for Red to admit to himself that he was indeed in love with her. But he was so terrified. He was terrified that she doesn't feel the same. He's terrified of losing her, he's terrified that he'll lose his chance as well. He's trying so hard to hold back, but his heart won't let him. Every word felt like shooting stars burning in the dark each time he holds back his emotions. It may be all good, or not at all, then again it may be better, and nothing's worse than holding back. He can't be all she needed, but he's more than willing to try. His heart is set in motion, and he's been at the edge of his emotions for far too long. Only she knew who he truly was, sure at night he was having dreams, wretched dreams, and he thinks maybe it's from his past, but he can never be too sure. But he knows one thing is for sure, he's done lying to himself that he does not love Elizabeth Keen, because in fact that he Raymond Reddington was madly in love with Elizabeth Keen. He knows he had to tell her, before he lost his chance, after all, not everyone receives a second chance.

It was a holiday long weekend, and Red thought it would be the opportune moment to take her somewhere beautiful. A place he could recall countless memories of his childhood with his father during summer vacations and winter break. Denver Colorado, near the countryside and by the lake.

He'd told her that they were going somewhere breathtaking. And with all of the places that he'd taken her before, she wouldn't be surprised if it actually did take her breath away. So, she'd hopped into the Mercedes and ran away with him, going to go see something breathtaking with someone that took her breath away. He'd ended up taking her to a luxurious farm house he said they owned, and true enough they did. Where the grass was filled with lilacs and the clouds were like ice. The sky was jet black, with stars scattered about. As much as she hated to admit it, the sight had taken her breath away.

So now here they are, laying in the grass, looking up at the stars. He's resting his hands on his stomach and she has her hands behind her head. She's looking up at the stars in awe as he talks about the constellations on this planet. He's telling her how each constellation was born and why it was made into a constellation. He's taking one of his hands off of his stomach and pointing up at the stars, showing her which stars connect to make constellations. Then she's looking at him and smiling, moving over to him and kissing the corner of his mouth.

'Shut up,' she's whispering, laying back down and looking up at the sky again.

He's furrowing his brow and looking at her, seeing her smiling. His expression is relaxing and the corner of his lips are twitching upwards. He's putting his hand back onto his stomach and shifting slightly, moving closer to her in the progress. He's glancing at her lips. He wants to kiss her. He wants to tell her how he feels about her. He wants to tell her how his hearts seem to race whenever he thinks about her. He wants to tell her how she makes him feel fluttery and nervous. He wants to tell her that she's all he can think about day and night. Whether he's at home just reading a book or just sitting in the Porch waiting for her to come home from work or next to the her while she's resting after a long hard day of work, he's always thinking about her. She's become an obsession of sorts. He can barely do anything without her because when he does try to do things by himself, all he wants to do is be with her.

She's become his world. His Galaxy. His universe. His life. He's tried to deny that he feels anything towards her. But, it's gotten to the point where he can no longer deny it. He is completely and utterly in love with Elizabeth Keen. He's in love with everything about her. He's even in love with just the thought of her. She is his everything. But, how would she react if he told her that? Would she just laugh? Would she reject him? Would she want to stop seeing him and then he has to move out, and live a life on his own?