Overshadowed (Thor/Narnia Crossover)

Part VIII

As soon as Edmund left the shop, Loki pounced. He offered Edmund back his helmet, tossing an arm around him in a friendly gesture. Edmund looked up warily. Loki smiled gently, still trying to convince the boy even while his irritation grew.

Sure, it was foolish to trust Loki, but Edmund had no proof of that. Honestly, all this distrust was hurtful. Deserved, but hurtful. Edmund walked quietly, obviously thinking. Loki saw uncertainty and used it.

"Thinking of Peter?" He brushed off his sleeve.

Edmund nodded. "Yeah. I just wish he'd stop trying to protect me. I'm not a baby. I want him to stop trying to control my life. Stop being so perfect. Everyone's always talking about how great he is. It's hard to smile and be kind when people tell me about him."

Edmund made a fist. "It's so frustrating!"

Loki listened, letting Edmund talk. Let him say what he wanted, Loki would turn it into something bigger later. Letting Edmund say what he felt without correcting him was important. Making Edmunds feelings above all else would center his thoughts on no one but himself.

He would listen to everything Loki said if Loki agreed and sympathized. If Loki understood and offered assistance. It would look good. Edmund seemed to think a moment before continuing.

"It's like when I do the right thing, no one notices, but if I do something wrong, everyone sees it and berates me. When Pete messes up, they all just turn a blind eye, like his good deeds always outweigh the bad. Well, almost always. There have been times he gets in trouble, I guess. But still, he's praised for being good while I'm scolded for being bad.

He sighed dramatically, "It's like you said. He was born the hero, and I'm left to hide in his shadow."

Loki shook his head. "I can see why you hate him so much."

Edmund looked up, startled. Confused. "I don't hate... I just..."

Loki straightened. "Wanted to be his equal."

He knew.

Edmund nodded as if finally able to put words with a feeling that had always been a mystery.

"Yeah."

Loki looked off distantly, speaking softly.

"You don't want to hate him, but it's easier than forgiving. It's simpler to blame him. You wanted to be him growing up- and now, you only wish he would disappear. You've never existed beyond his shadow, but you can't be him. You have only ever wanted to be treated as his equal. To be you, and be enough."

Loki wouldn't let his feelings show, but they burned at the edge of every word. Loki no longer spoke of Edmund- but of himself.

Edmunds eyes looked up into his. So vulnerable. So understanding. Mirroring his own so completely.

"To be enough." Edmund clenched his jaw.

Loki kept going.

"Once you make a mistake, mess up, you get noticed. Not for being like your brother, but for being unlike him. You see a mark to be made for yourself. And so, you don't try anymore. You give in, lean into what they say. You become the villian they tell you that you are. Its too hard to try if all they do is see your worst."

He looked down. "It's the only time they see you."

Edmund barely patted Lokis shoulder.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" He sounded so small.

Lokis voice barely passed a whisper. "Yes. Yes, it does."

Quietly, they stood together. Neither saying a word. Loki meant to be changing Edmunds mind, getting in his head, and yet, Edmund was understanding him. Giving worth to Lokis feelings, validating his inner pain.

Even if Loki had been wrong about everything he'd done in response, Edmund saw the root. He recognized it. He knew. He'd listened to Lokis' words and seen what was beneath. Loki hated it.

His intent was to help Edmund onto a path as freeing as his own. He called it freedom, but it was a trap. Once you chose it, it was all you were. No one saw you, just what you'd done. No one saw differently. Though, maybe a few did. Lokis mother had never given up on him, no matter how many times he'd messed up.

Loki halted his thoughts. He couldn't think of Frigga. Those were dangerous memories. Loki needed to change the subject- things were creeping a bit too close to his personal feelings. He didn't want to share anymore, even though it seemed to sway Edmund all the more. He had to keep his emotions separate from his past. He could admit to similar feelings without actually letting himself feel them. He had to.

He shook his head, putting the smile back on his face. "And those were your sisters?"

Edmund blinked, trying to comprehend the sudden change in subject and tone.

"Yes, Susan and Lucy." Wrinkling his nose, he added, "The other boy was my cousin, Eustace."

Loki grinned. "Weird kid?"

Edmund nodded, biting back a smile. "We're staying with him. At my aunt and uncle's house."

Loki widened his eyes. "You poor soul. How are you even surviving that?" He laughed.

Edmund laughed too. A free sound of pure enjoyment. Loki liked happy laughter. Loved gaining a smile or a giggle from his words, his jokes, and his pranks. Many people said his tricks were extreme, but he did really like making people smile- or he used to.

Now, he seemed to take away joy, which was fine. He was powerful, and that was what he wanted. Power was the only happiness- no, not happiness- satisfaction. And even then, Loki was never satisfied. It just wasn't in his nature.

Edmund stopped laughing, still smiling. "You seem like you could have been a really nice person. You're funny."

Loki smiled. "I like you too, Edmund. You're ambitious, and I like your humor."

Loki pretended he hadn't noticed what Edmund had said, but he'd heard. Could have been. He didn't really care. He'd given up even trying to be kind long ago. He could fake it if need be, but Loki was not a kind person to the world, didn't really want to be anyway. He hated mortals. Edmund being the only slight exception thus far.

Edmund wore his helmet, walking happily. Loki walked beside him, turning his thoughts to the glorious takeover awaiting them in the morning. Loki would be in his rightful place, above all- even Edmund.