Overshadowed (Thor/Narnia Crossover)

Epilogue

Life. It moved forward for Loki, keeping him busy, not content or satisfied, but well enough.

Not very often did he think of Edmund, but on the occasions that he did, he wished well for the boy.

Hoped he'd changed. Hoped he'd learned.

Hoped he hadn't ended up like himself.

Loki, though not understanding why, wanted the best for Edmund. He hadn't wanted to understand it when he left, still tried to avoid what he knew was the truth once he had. But the truth was that Loki had cared more about someone else than he had for himself. He'd thought of Edmunds life above his own.

As much as he knew he could have turned Edmund into himself in some way or another, he'd noticed an opportunity to be for the boys' life what no one had for him. He could leave, removing his influence, his path to Edmunds failure, and Edmund could change. Because Edmund had love- and love was strong.

After he'd gone, Loki realized he'd let Edmund restart with no knowledge of one bad thing- something Loki wished he could have had. A new start. A blank page. Not a second chance, not a third chance, just a chance. Not to prove anything and without everyone watching, waiting for failure. Just a chance to live. Just a chance to be.

Just a chance.

Edmund could still make it right, he didn't need to be defined by all he'd done, by what his name said he was, by anything. Loki understood those things. He didn't want to be Odinson or Laufeyson. A Jötunn or an Asgardian. He didn't want to be Loki the younger brother of Thor, the enemy of Earth. He just wanted to be Loki- but Loki was never good enough.

He couldn't make anyone proud being what they wanted, so he'd disappointed them, being what they didn't. At least then, they'd had a reason. And then it was too late. Too late to change. Too late to stop. Too late to be free. He'd made his decisions, good or bad, and they wouldn't let him go. On his own, at least, he couldn't shake them away. Couldn't rectify them. Couldn't fix it. Some believed he could still change, that he wasn't beyond help. Or, they had believed it.

Thor had. Frigga had.

Loki wasn't sure if anyone still believed that or if his act had finally convinced them all. If he'd finally buried himself so deep, he was almost gone. Almost, because something still remained and re-emerged every so often, surprising even him. Angering him. Reminding him. It was that spark of himself that had let Edmund go, and that spark that gave him the idea to return.

He'd said he wouldn't- wouldn't go back, wouldn't know how Edmunds life turned out, but he'd lied. Not a surprise, Loki was a liar, and sometimes he lied even to himself. But Loki needed to know.

Upon his arrival, the air was warm, the sun bright, and the streets of London just as dreary as before. Things looked relatively the same. It was brighter, but the streets of the city seemed unaware.

Loki stepped through the crowded streets, irritability avoiding the hurrying people. He noticed he might stand out quite a bit, and so, mimicking the outfit of a man darting by, Loki attempted to blend in, adding a dash of green for a flair of style. Honestly, Loki thought ordinary people had such bland fashion. Not enough drama.

Fully fitted for his quest, he strode purposefully towards his destination. He knew where the house was, the house of Edmund's cousin, and that was where he was headed. Not to talk, not to engage, but simply to watch. To see what he'd left behind. To know.

He adjusted his hat, tucking some stray hair behind his ear. Pausing to study his reflection in a shops window, Loki inspected his borrowed fashion. It was fine, nothing fancy or dramatic as he'd suspected, but for this purpose, it would suffice. Readjusting his bow tie, Loki hurried on his way.

Wandering the streets of London for almost an hour, he began to question his memory. He was quite confident he'd only gotten turned around once, passing the same pretzel seller twice, but beyond that, he'd been sure he was on the right track. Perhaps he remembered incorrectly. Or maybe something major had been changed. That must have been it, Loki assured himself. He would much rather blame someone else or a change than himself.

At long last, just as Loki was seriously doubting himself and his sense of direction, the vaguely familiar home drew his eye. He rushed towards it, stopping halfway, carefully inspecting the surrounding sidewalks and streets for a face he might recognize. Seeing none, he walked nearer, standing outside waiting for someone to enter or exit.

Waiting endlessly, Loki was growing bored and restless, and he eventually opted to sit on a nearby bench to continue his wait. He could still see well enough, and he preferred to sit. And it did seem a bit less creepy than standing outside of a home.

After an elderly woman sat beside him for a horrifying full two minutes offering him a piece of candy, which he declined fervently, before she smiled at him and went on her way, Loki propped his boots up next to him, taking up the whole bench, purposely trying to dissuade anyone else from sitting beside him.

Loki rubbed his eyes, trying to focus on everyone around him at once. So far, he'd seen thirteen dark-haired boys, three cats, and various other mortals, scurrying about, but no one he recognized. Dusk fell, and still, he waited, watching. He'd come for one reason, and he wasn't leaving without fulfilling it.

A fast-paced gentleman suddenly broke from the thinning crowds, heading for the door Loki was watching. He sat up a bit straighter, narrowing his eyes after the man. It swung open at the gentleman's arrival, and a young woman with blonde hair and a baby greeted him happily. The man removed his hat, revealing red hair.

Lokis spirits sank as quickly as they had risen. Edmund no longer lived here. Loki lept up, boots thudding heavily onto the ground. He needn't remain here any longer. Edmund, if he still lived, wasn't here anymore.

Through the darkened streets, Loki wandered away, aimlessly walking. It had been foolish to return here. Edmund wouldn't remember him; he had no friends here. He'd simply wanted to see him, to know the boys' life had gone well. No matter, he would just have to keep believing it had. He'd done it so far, and he would continue to do it.

Loki stopped by a gate, thinking. Imagining.

"Loki?"

He turned, facing the boy. Edmund. "Hello."

Edmund smiled, a quiet smile. "I've changed. As you told me, I made the best of my life. I'm doing well."

He looked up, watching Loki. "How are you?"

Edmund looked genuinely caring. Like he wanted to know. Loki sighed, letting the illusion fall. Edmund faded, sparkling away until only the gate remained.

"I'm well." He whispered into empty air. "I'm fine. I guess."

That was Loki, always pretending a reality he liked best, one that was better. More to his liking. He couldn't really wish away everything, create only what he liked- real life was real, whether he liked it or not.

Loki returned his outfit to normal. He didn't belong here. He needed to return to where he did. If only he knew where it was that he did belong. The Jötunn from Asgard, the Asgardian of Jotunhiem. False ruler of Earth.

Loki Laufeyson, abandoned.

Loki Odinson, unwanted.

Prince of two realms, neither of which wanted him.

Loki shook his head angrily, forcing an unnecessary grin at two passers-by. His normal, unnerving smile. This was the Loki the world's knew, and that was what he wanted, wasn't it? To be known? Lonely Loki had no place here or anywhere. The lying, devious god of mischief made one for himself.

He'd simply have to go find it and remind the realms again who he was- he was Loki, and he had been burdened with glorious purpose.

Life had given him many choices, many emotions, but one was stronger than the rest, controlled his life; overruled them all.

It was fear.