The Contract

Chapter 21

I feel frustrated and like I want to cry. I didn't know I felt so much, I mean whenever I felt this overwhelming feeling I would do it myself and not that I can't right now but I feel like it would be a shame in front of what Alex could do to me

"Peach" he whispered

"Im sleepy" I tell him closing my eyes after I close the lights that were beside the bed

i heard him sigh as he wraps an arm around me pulling me towards him, I could feel his cock on my butt but he doesn't want to do anything

"Allison love listen to me" his voice soft

I turn around facing him lying on my side as I open my eyes to see how dilated his eyes are. There is no denying the fact that he wanted me, not just his body but all of him wanted me.

"I want you just as much as you want me, probably more"

"Please Alex" I whisper

"Peach please, I know how much you want me and fucking hell, I want you so much more than that but we can't right now. We need time"

"Alex people have one night stands, im sure you have had them and there is nothing you really have to think about"

"Im not worried about anything, and Al one night stands are just that, a night with someone who can fulfil that need for a night and you aren't that. Allison, you are my whole life and I am not going to jump on you the second you think you want me"

"I do want you" I sounded desperate but this wasn't jsut about sex for me

I needed warmth, I need to feel safe and I needed him forever and if we have sex then this could be a forever thing right because I know that sometimes sex bounds you, it did in my last relationship

"Allison baby what is going on with you, this isn't like you. You aren't someone who needs a man for anything" he says and now I felt horrible, like a desperate slut begging for sex

"Sorry, it's nothing. Goodnight Alex" I whisper turning around closing my eyes

i felt the bed bounce back up when he got up from beside me, a fear rose in my heart. When I was in my last relationship, every time there was an argument or a disagreement I felt scared that he might hurt me and those fears always came true.

It wasn't that I thought Alex would hit me but the subconsciousness wasn't agreeing to it. I grabbed onto the sheets tighter as my heart pounds loud, I could almost hear it in my ears as it rang

"No please don't, I I won't ask again please" I yell as Alex picks me up

"What?" He sounded surprised

I open my eyes to see him, he wasn't going to hit me, he just picked me up because he was walking to the balcony with me in his arms.

"Nothing mhm what are you doing" I ask

He doesn't answer, instead, his jaw hardens as his eyes move from mine to the balcony door. He opened it and sat on the hammock wiht Me in his arms.

Instantly I felt goosebumps on my whole body, it was chilly but the rain hadn't started yet, it was beautiful, the moon was playing hide and seek as it hides behind the dark clouds and peaks out for an instant

"Allison what what that?" He ask making me look away form the moon to his face

"Are you angry at me?" I ask caressing his biceps which might I add were huge, I don't see him working out much but he eats healthy, I guess thats why

"Im not angry at you, tell me what's going on"

"I thought mhm I thought you would hit me" I whisper

His eyes changed colour instantly, his eyes were spitting fire and I wonder if his ears will start releasing smoke like we see in movies.

The arm he had around me was now dangling on the side, the other arm that rested on my thighs was also moved to the side of the hammock, I felt cold.

"Alex"

"You thought I would hit you?" He asks as if trying to tell his heart that's what I had said

"It's not that Alex I"

"you just said you thought I would hit you Allison"

"I was scared" I tell him

"When have I ever raised a hand on you Allison" he asks, his voice seemed sad and I hated that I was the reason

"No no you haven't"

"Has rick ever hit you?" He asks and my eyes bream with tears

"Allison has he hit you" he asked again, firmer this time

i nod hiding my face in his chest holding his t shirt as I sniffle trying not to cry. His arms wrap around me as he pulls me closer placing kisses on top of my head

"Shh im sorry peach" he whispers

"You didn't do anything, you shouldn't apologize. Im sorry for acting like that. It was so uncalled for"

"No it wasn't, Allison if thats how you felt than thats okay to express" he is so supportive

i look up leaning a little on his arm so I could look at his face.

"I am not so needy but it, it keeps you close right" I ask

"Keep who close and what"

"He always told me that if I wanted to feel closer, feel warmth and safe, sex always does that. sex bounds you in a way" I whisper

"No, gosh no baby. Sex is intimate, when you have sex with someone it could either be just that sex, but it could also be the most beautiful thing, it can definitely bring two people close but it doesn't bound you to me Allison"

I look at him like he is  teaching me something, his voice was soft as ever filled with concern I believe or maybe worry, im not sure

"He used to tell me that whenever him and I would have sex he felt more in love with me. Im not saying that I wanted sex for that but I wanted to make myself believe that I have you and that this isn't a dream" I let him know my thoughts

"I understand, but with me, you don't need to feel that ache between your legs to know im here. Allison sweetheart, was he abusive in more than one ways?" He asks and those memories, everything I had tried to forget came rushing back

"It was bad Xan, I dreamed everyday of coming out of that hell" I whisper

"That fucking bastard" I heard him

"Im sorry Xan" I whisper

"No, fuck no Al, you don't need to apologize at all. Ill take care of that fucker"

"Its okay, its over. I don't wanna deal with it anymore. I jsut wish I didn't take that bit of my past and ruined us"

"Baby you haven't ruined us" he whispers