I want to think that everything that has happened has calmed down, but that would be a lie. Garroth learned quickly that Vylad wasn't dead. Everyone was shocked when Garroth returned. Aphmau has secluded herself from the world. Laurance continues to fall downwards in an endless spiral. He left again.
At least I'm beginning to understand how to care for a baby.
I'm walking Lilith back to Aphmau's. While I don't favor seeing Aphmau, especially in this state, Lilith is her child. Zoey is at least going to be there when I hand the baby over. Sounds from the old dock cause me to divert my trail. The steps are crumbly, but they remain a pathway nonetheless. Lilith is quiet in my arms. And with the sun beginning to set, she wrapped around in a light blanket from the cooler temperature.
"No one has touched this dock for a while," I say. "Are you sure it's safe after all this time?"
I would think of this scene as one I've read in books. A wife stands there in the sunset with the baby curled up in her arms. Her skirts dance along with the tall grass as she looks off at her husband, who has returned from war. He's surprised to see them, of course, but it's only momentarily before he dashes off to his small family. What he had done before left in his wake.
This isn't like one of those scenes. This isn't my child, and Garroth isn't my lover.
Garroth stops hammering a nail into a slab of wood. He stands up, wiping whatever could be on his clothes off. It's strange seeing him dressed outside his armor. I don't know how I feel about it.
"I want to feel useful. I created a huge mess, and I want to feel helpful in some way."
I walk towards him, finding a place to sit down. I don't want to be on the dock itself for Lilith's safety. "We're just happy you're back, alive."
Garroth stares off into the water. He seems distracted. I wouldn't blame him if he was. There are most likely a million thoughts dashing through his mind at this current moment. So much has happened.
"What month is it?"
I pause for a moment. I expected a lot of questions, but I didn't expect that one. It should be a hard question for me to answer. "May," I answer. I don't know how else to answer his question. When he looks back over at me, I divert my attention to Lilith. I readjust her blanket, framing her face. "Your birthday passed."
I understand that he may be confused on the time. It was hard for us to wrap our heads around the fact fifteen years had passed. Not only did fifteen years pass for Garroth, but months have passed as well. I still don't understand Irene Dimension time. I don't think I ever will.
"So did yours. Did you celebrate?"
Lilith begins to squirm around in my arms. I begin to feel she senses the tension in the air when she begins to cry. Garroth places his hand on my shoulder and nods his head towards Lilith. I slowly hand her over to him. She begins to relax at his touch. Sometimes I forget he was like a father to Levin when he was an infant.
"Your birthday?" I ask. He only shakes his head at me. It's then I realized he was asking about my own birthday. "Oh, no. We didn't celebrate mine. The days blurred with everything going on. . . I didn't realize it was near until it had already passed."
"Surely Laurance remembered about it."
I offer him a sad smile. He wants to believe that Laurance would remember. I wanted to believe the same thing too, but Laurance has his own issues going on. I don't even remember if he was around when it passed.
Silence answers him as a response. The sun sinks lower in the sky, barely above the horizon. With a shaky sigh, I reach for Lilith. Garroth and I both know it's time she makes it back before Zoey begins to worry about time. He walks alongside me, one step ahead, to watch the worn pathway in case of danger.
"What's gotten into him?" Garroth asks. "He's not even here. Everyone says that something happened, but no one knows what it was."
"I wish I wasn't a part of the majority. Laurance has been acting this way shortly after you. . . Well, maybe he was this way the entire time. When dad died–"
"Your father is dead?"
He stops in front of me. I nearly stumble into his back and smoother Lilith between us. The pain never truly goes away, but life continues.
"Yeah, he died while I was in the Irene Dimension. Cadenza claims it was natural causes, but he still had so much life to him," I state. "But there's no reversing the past. I'm unsure if Laurance felt unwell during this time. I believe he did. Some of that time is a blur to me. It has been bad recently. He left for a longer period of time not too long ago. Worried me sick."
He only nods to this. Garroth awkward apologizes and gives me his condolences, but I shrug my shoulders. I thank him, but there is no changing the past. I don't want him to blame himself for having me miss something like this.
We make it up the hill to Aphmau's. I ask if he'll go in with me, but he responds that he'd rather wait outside for me to return. It shouldn't take long. It's simply me giving Zoey Lilith and explaining how she was today.
I'm not inside for very long, and Garroth is still outside by the time I exit the house. The aura inside is terrible, and there's a stale smell in the air. It's hard to look in her direction when she's laying on the floor in the back of the room.
Our walk back is silent. I don't think either one of us knows what to say.
