Perfect Butler

13

"They're making way too much of a fuss about this outfit," Kaveh frowned, sinking into his chair. He finally had some time to relax. How many suits had he tried on today alone? "I don't care what it looks like so why are they fussing about so much?" 

"It's a royal wedding," Alhaitham replied, setting a cup of tea on the stand next to Kaveh's chair. 

"Ugh," Kaveh groaned, picking up the cup. "Don't remind me. I wouldn't have to deal with all of this if she'd just hired Kaeya like I said from the get-go." 

"That wasn't going to happen, Prince Kaveh," Alhaitham said. 

"Why not? He is critically acclaimed enough by nobles." 

"You're not just any noble. You're the prince. She will demand the best of the best and a commoner designer, no matter how skilled, is not going to show up on her radar." 

"That's it!" Kaveh pointed at Alhaitham. "She will demand the best of the best so if Kaeya makes an outfit without his name attached, she won't be able to turn it away via status. She will have to admit it's amazing by sight alone!" 

Alhaitham felt a headache coming on. He held his forehead. Why did he have to fall for such a cumbersome fool? 

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Alhaitham crossed his arms. 

"Kaeya is the best, he deserves to make the outfit for the prince's wedding... even if I don't want to get married," he looked down at his current outfit, sighing. 

"She can never know that he made it or she will completely change her mind about the outfit," Alhaitham warned. "Although, right now she is too busy trying to figure out my replacement. I suppose it would be the best time to pull something under her nose." 

"What?" Kaveh turned his head, standing up. "Replacement? I told her I wouldn't have it!" 

"You know how she is, Prince Kaveh..."

"Knowing her, she will blackmail you to leave," he held his head in his hands. "Or worse, kill you." He snapped his head up again, pointing his finger and pressing it against Alhaitham's chest. "Know this, if you leave, I'll find you. I'll find you until I have proof of a corpse and then once I find your dead body, I'll preserve it in the basement and let the kingdom know I've gone mad." 

"Are you planning on doing things to my corpse?" Alhaitham grabbed Kaveh's hand, not sure whether to feel honored or disgusted by the notion. 

"Don't die and you won't have to worry about it." 

"My Prince," he brought Kaveh's hand to his lips and kissed his palm. "I'm delighted that you are willing to go to such lengths to keep my services." 

"Just...don't die... and don't leave me," Kaveh's eyes watered. Alhaitham smiled but didn't respond. 

"Don't we have a man to see about a wedding suit?" he cleared his throat. 

...

"You've lost your minds, I see," Kaeya crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. "Let's say I do agree to this silly plan of yours. What's going to be in it for me, since I can't even get advertising this way?" 

"There is a certain duke, who may or may not be entering the contest to choose my knight, and it's quite possible that I could get front-row tickets for you to see him in his sweaty glory," Kaveh smirked. 

"The queen is secretly scouting for your personal knight at the tournament?" Kaeya held his chin, nodding, "and the duke is going to be there?" he nodded again. "I must seem like an easy man to you," he sighed a long sigh. 

"So, you'll do it then?" Kaveh beamed. 

"Beloved sun of the kingdom," Kaeya bowed, "I am at your disposal. Even if the duke wasn't there, I do love me some sweaty fighting men." Kaveh glanced at Alhaitham and nodded. He could agree with that. 

"Hm," Alhaitham crossed his arms. "If someone from Mondstadt is entering the tournament... then wouldn't that mean someone from Liyue...?" 

"And Inazuma. I'm not sure why all of them are so interested in my wedding but it certainly will be drawing a large crowd." Kaveh paused for a moment, before grinning like an idiot. Alhaitham sighed, wondering if this was going to be another silly scheme. 

"If you enter disguised..." Kaveh began. 

"Prince Kaveh," Alhaitham sighed. "Your mother would have my head for trying to deceive her." 

"But, if you win..." Kaveh had full faith that he would. 

"I would pay good money to see this," Kaeya raised his hand. "And I will fully volunteer to make your disguise. So long as you're okay with me taking inspiration from a certain Darknight Hero." 

"Why do I put up with this?" Alhaitham held his forehead.