Song: "It'll Be Okay" by Shawn Mendes
She wasn't responding to my messages! Why wasn't she responding to my messages?
The pictures of Alex and me at the airport had been published 5 hours ago. I stared at the texts on my phone, the small word delivered below the blue bubbles standing out starkly against the white background of the chat. It was now 11:30 in the morning in Japan, I had gotten up early this morning for an interview and was flooded with a dozen texts from people sending me the article. Since then, I couldn't think straight. We couldn't even keep our relationship secret for more than a week. There is no way Alex still wants to be with me. The fact that she wouldn't respond to my texts all but confirmed that.
I clicked out of my messages and opened Instagram, where Oliver had just posted a story of them and Alex at a party from the night before. I looked back at my text which had been delivered to her phone at 10:30 London time, any suspicion that she may have been sleeping was dissolved.
She was ignoring me. It was clear. She saw the article and realized I was more trouble than I am worth. The more time passed without a response, the more my heart hurt. She was the only girl I had ever been sure about, and now, I lost her.
I made my way through the day completely numb, I wasn't even sure what I had said in my interviews or who I took pictures with on the street. When I finally was back in my hotel room I jumped into the shower, letting myself feel the hot water on my back. Then, wrapped in a towel with my hair dripping wet, I sunk onto the queen-sized bed in the middle of the room. I finally felt the tears that I had been holding back all day well up, what seemed like a boulder of anxiety had found a home in my stomach.
Suddenly, the screen of my phone lit up, visible from the table across the room. My heart jumped and I stood up quickly, crossing the room in two strides. My heart was in my throat when I saw Alex's name on the screen.
>> Bella, can I call you?
I quickly typed out a response, a loud thud in my ear. This can't be good.
>> yes of course Alex
Not even ten seconds later her name popped up on my screen again, this time accompanied by my ABBA ringtone. I pressed the accept, mentally preparing myself for the worst: her telling me that this was too much, that we should break up.
"Bella?" All the air in my lungs rushed out at the pain in her voice.
"Alex love, I'm sorry about the article, I –"
"No, no. It's ok Bella, that's ok."
"What?"
"I'm not upset over that."
"Then what's wrong Alex?" I questioned, she breathed shakily and my heart broke. At that moment, I would give all the money in the world to be able to hug her and make her feel better, in any way possible.
"Henry showed up at my apartment." I held my breath, she hadn't ever said her ex's name but from the way she said it I had a suspicion Henry was the one who had made her feel that she wasn't worthy of love. We had talked about him briefly, but the pain in her voice made me think there was a lot that she didn't say.
"He's my ex," she said, confirming what I had already deducted. My teeth clenched as I waited for her to continue. "There's a lot I haven't told you about our relationship..." she cut off.
"You don't have to tell me, love," I whisper into the phone, I hear her take a breath through the line, it sounded like she was crying. I wanted to hunt down the man who hurt her like this and make him pay.
"I want to. Um, he wouldn't respect my boundaries, and when he was mad..."
"Did he hurt you?" The question burst out of me, the rims of my vision suddenly red as my hands started to shake.
"He never hit me but —" she didn't finish the sentence, but she didn't need to. He had hurt her, and I wanted to hurt him for it.
"Alex –"
"He saw the article." I let out a breath as she continued, "he recognized me and he was mad."
"Did he –"
"He tried to I think, but I kneed him where it hurts," she laughed uneasily.
"That's my girl," I said jokingly even though the last thing I wanted to do right now was joke. But I sensed that Alex needed me to break the tension.
"And Oliver came back in time to drag him out... I think I'm going to get a restraining order."
"I think that's a great idea love. Do you have a lawyer? Because I have a great one..."
"Yeah I do Bella, don't worry about me."
"You're my girlfriend, Alex, that's my job."
"Thanks, Bella," I could hear her smiling through the phone.
"Do you want me to come home?" I whisper.
"No no, you have to finish your press tour!"
"Are you sure, because I can –"
"It would make me feel worse to ruin your trip, Bella."
"Ok... but can we Facetime? I want to see your face."
"Yeah, one sec." The ring of the Facetime call resounded in the hotel room; soon after, her face filled the screen. I grinned, even though my heart sagged at the redness around her eyes and her weak smile.
"Hi Alex"
"Hi Bella"
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Author's Note: Currently listening to "It'll Be Okay" by Shawn Mendes while writing this and I'm lowkey crying.
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Falling In Love (Bella Ramsey)
FanfictionAlex is a first-year student at King's College navigating life with the open wounds of her parent's rejection of her identity and her last relationship. There was very little to her life until she bumped into a person who would change that.
