Adam - A Novella

4

I stared at the ceiling, which was not hard to do, since it was only a few feet in front of me. My sister snored on the bunk below me, but I couldn't sleep. I glanced over at the clock on the other side of the room, and a bright red set of lines reading "1:39 AM" Barely processed in my brain. I thought of getting up and doing homework for a brief second but laughed it off in my head like it was the funniest joke I've heard. I pulled out my phone, being blinded by the max brightness that I forgot to turn down before plugging it into its charger beside me. A bunch of new notifications, but none that needed my immediate attention. I threw it to my side. I thought of my day, trying to get lost in my thoughts to get some rest, but my head kept returning to an Asian boy in my fourth period class. The way his arm muscles moved under his skin as he wrote, demonstrating how much smarter he was, couldn't leave my brain. Or the way his thighs left no loose room in his shorts...

I climbed down the ladder quietly, taking note that my sister was completely knocked out. I ninja-jumped over a bunch of toys and doll clothes of hers that were left on the ground, making my way to the creaky old door that I barely managed to squeeze through before hitting the point in the hinge that squeaked. I crept to the bathroom, needing to tug on the door to get it open, the golden metal doorknob hesitating to budge. I eventually got it open, although very loudly, and my bare feet smacking on the linoleum floor were much louder than normal too. I stared, really allowed myself to stare, at my reflection in the dirty old mirror above the decrypt sink to my right. The way my basically completely blonde hair fell around my eyebrows, signaling I could use a haircut. The way my dark brown eyes seemed to hold memories that my own brain couldn't recall. The way my cheeks would get a patchy red color the more I thought about the way Lin, who was only a classmate and nothing else to me, would untie his drawstring as he got ready to change for gym. I untied my own drawstring regretfully.

The freezing cold plastic tile below me did nothing to my heart, which was beating out of control as I was sprawled half naked in my bathroom, making my entire body hot with embarrassment. I should have been thinking about my girlfriend Avalin, my girlfriend, or at least any of the gorgeous Latinas in my school (there are a lot). I hugged my bare knees to my chest in shame. I hadn't talked to Caleb all week thinking it would help, but the thoughts I worked so hard to repress kept resurfacing. The blood boiling in my veins fueled my rage, and I wanted so badly to sock Caleb in his hot-ass face for making me think these things. About Lin, about him, about any guy. He was causing this. I stood up, pulling my shorts and boxers back up with me, and headed back for my bedroom. He won't get away with this.

I'm not excited for Christmas break. That means more time at home, more time away from school where I reign supreme, and more time away from my frustration vent. That's basically what he is. Admittedly, anytime I get angry, I scream or lash at Caleb, and for some reason, he just takes it. I know it's not healthy, or great. But seeing him pain makes me feel less of my own. And God, when his eyes light up with fear, it awakens a beast long hidden in me. Every time I feel like maybe he doesn't deserve it, or maybe being gay isn't as bad as I'm making it feel, I owe him another kick to the shin. I accidentally let myself get caught up in imagining breaking Caleb's nose, which I've never let myself do for obvious reasons, that I didn't hear the familiar crooney voice approaching rapidly.

"Yo, dude, you wanna come to my house and play COD later? I just got this awesome..." his proposal died out when he spotted a bundled-up figure by the school's towering, outward curved gate. "Look." He smirked, but he didn't have to refer me to him because I was already entranced. He was wearing earmuffs. Who the hell still wears earmuffs? Caleb's fluffy locks were getting flattened by the light and small snowflakes slowly tricking from the sky that most students around me were just starting to notice. "I wanna see him slide around some ice on his ass. You coming with?" Thomas was enjoying hurting Caleb more than I wish he would, but screw it, I was too. "Nah. Let's just go play something at your house. COD is fine." I swallowed my other comments as he began telling me I was a buzzkill. I was not in the mood to see Caleb get hurt today.