Adam - A Novella

9

My entire body ached, and multiple bodily alarms went off at once. I snapped to life immediately, glancing around. The world was bright, too bright, like I was in direct sunlight.

I was.

The patch of long grass we'd flattened and laid in was becoming itchy. We? At my side, Caleb slept, unconsciously squinting in the warm rays of the sun shining directly at his face. He was wearing my shirt and his boxers loosely. I wondered if I did have any alcohol because I sure as hell had a hangover. I couldn't help but groan as my stomach growled for food.

"Caleb. Wake up."

"Mm." He stirred, and it took a moment for him to realize he was outside, because he reached down near his knees as if he'd kicked a blanket off. That was adorable. If it was the opposite way around, I imagine Caleb would have taken a picture of me. He got up slowly, registering nothing but me and the sun. "What the hell..." he grabbed at his shirt, my shirt, and his eyes rounded at once, processing why the hell we were laying in a rural grass patch. "Oh my god." He stood, and I followed his example. He grabbed at our clothes awkwardly thrown about, but I was busy replaying what happened in my mind.

"Let me walk you home." I offered. We had freshly swapped back to our clothes, awkwardly but admittedly not worrying too much about censorship. Caleb blinked, and for a second, I could have sworn he forgot I wasn't going to bash his head in again.

"Okay."

His motel was decent, but clearly, they budgeted for longevity out here. I guided him up his own steps, feeling the need to add other interactions to today to make the memory of last night less awkward. "Thank you. Really." He smiled and I, without thinking, kissed his cheek. It was warm, dry, and smooth, from the prolonged sun exposure. He barely hesitated before turning his head and pecking me straight on my chapped lips. I clasped his hand gently near our sides. I stared into his eyes subconsciously, and he didn't seem to mind. "Okay, I need to get inside. I have explaining to do."

"Alright. Bye." I resisted telling him I loved him. I do, I'm not even going to debate that. But last night was nothing but a display of mixed emotions and feelings that needed to leave my fucked-up brain chemistry. A display that I let myself replay over and over, and the more I did, the more I craved his closeness again. The feeling of that first kiss, the way his lips pushed against mine, our saliva combining into one sloppy juice. His tongue fighting for space with mine. The suction-like feel of his mouth pressing into mine playing like a broken record in my mind almost made me run back up the stairs and strip him, right in the main room.

"Where have you been?" My mom said, her hands on her hips. But my mind was sorted out. I was no longer angry, or depressed, or vengeful. I just wanted love, and closeness. Cool Adam was long gone, and with him, the feelings of negativity that hung around him. I hugged her with an overwhelming feeling of love I haven't felt for years. She tapped my shoulder roughly and sighed. "I love you, honey." I sniffled into her red, cotton blouse. I felt the pressure on my shoulder increase, and she began sniffling too.

"Adam, look." Mavia ran to me as soon as I opened our squeaky door. A waxy paper was shoved in my face, too close to make out details. "It's us." She lowered it and pointed to me, who was tall, standing next to her and my mother. Augustus was on the back with an angry face, and he was lightly scribbled over.

"Do you miss father?" I asked her softly. She glanced at me, and for a second, I saw the face of a mature young woman. But it faded quickly.

"A little bit," she admitted, "But I'm glad he's gone now."

I smiled and hugged her. I've never felt this lovey-dovey before. Effect of committing to Regular Adam permanently, perhaps. Or maybe hooking up with someone I've been in love with for years upon years who maybe even likes me back. I got so lost in thought I almost forgot to let go of her.

"Are you okay? You keep smiling." she asked innocently, letting her drawing dangle by the edge of her light blue ruffle dress. "Am I not allowed to be happy?" I joked, lightly pushing her over. She giggled and jumped on her bed, narrowly missing hitting her head on my bunk. I kind of did the same thing with the ceiling, but I refused to care. I'm out, on my terms. Caleb knows I love him. My father wasn't here to hurt me for it. And for once, I don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks of me.

I think I like myself now.

"Hey Adam." The sneer of a familiar voice made me look up. Thomas stood over my desk intimidatingly.

"Sup."

"Don't 'sup' me. You know I don't play like that."

"Then go away." I returned to my work. I could feel his energy shift.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he slammed his hands on the desk, and a meek warning from the teacher went unnoticed. The rumors of my sexuality circulated around school quickly while I was in the hospital. I don't know how it got out, but word spreads fast in small towns like ours. Every time someone who used to fear me looked at me with a neutral or disgusted face, though, I felt a stab in Cool Adam's heart, and I'm not sure any length of time could heal that. I stared at him with the most consciously expressionless eyes I could, and his dark irises responded with sadness. "You were so cool, too." I watched him walk out as the bell rang, and for a moment, I wished Cool Adam could return to save my social life.