Adam - A Novella

21

The old man browsing the convenience store aisles was very confused as I threw container after container of empty gasoline boxes on the counter, but the employee, a short-haired girl with dark eyes beginning to ring me up, was not. She saw this kind of insanity daily, I imagine.

"I need these all filled up. Pump seven." I accidentally growled. She obliged as I put the entirety of my savings account on the counter. Not like I'll be needing it. I used some of my mom's hair ties to tie each of their handles together, the thick black ones, so I could carry them all at once, dragging them over to the empty pump and filling them up. The world in front of me seemed so distant, I didn't even feel the weight as I finished filling them all, or even worry that the hair ties would break, which was okay, since they didn't. Although, they were digging into my wrists, but I barely noticed. I didn't feel anything but my heartbeat roaring painfully in my ears. I signaled to the next person, a little red Chevy, that they could have some free gas for what was left over. I didn't need more gas than this, and I might as well do some good while I'm here. The owner of the car waved thankfully at me, and I left with no more than a head nod.

I returned to the crappy, dirty mobile home in the trailer park for the last time. But I wasn't feeling depressed or hopeless. All I felt was anger burning through my veins, tickling the inside of my skin. Begging for action. Bloodshed. War.

I untied each can from the ties binding them to my wrists, and each one smacked on the ground with a heavy SCHH as the egregious liquid sloshed around the red buckets. I threw each can over the house, soaking my clothes, grass, roof, outdoor walls, pick-up truck, even the pretty flowers outside, which would have been the centerpiece next week.

Before I had left, I'd hassled the corpulent man into his bedroom and barricaded it. I knew what and how to barricade the door, because I had done it as a child when my mother and him were so aggressive and loud that I was frightened they would come take it out on me. I recalled the way my skin tickled with fear, for my own security, from people who were meant to love me and keep me safe. My skin tingled now, but I know I'll never have to feel like that ever again. He was banging on the door, screaming and hollering at me to let him out, but it was all white noise. He was not getting out of this shit alive.

He was going to hell with me.

I watched as gasoline soaked into the popcorn ceiling, dripping onto the tiny cross hanging from the wall with a metal Jesus nailed to it, over the TV and all the CDs that surrounded the entertainment center, over Mavia's old toys and all the appliances in the kitchen. I had found a secret money box under the kitchen sink while looking for salvageable belongings, which I put in a plastic bag and set far off in the road for Mavia and Mother to find. They hadn't returned yet. They will never return again.

I put Mavia's favorite toys and clothes in a box and set it outside as well, along with my mother's favorite trinkets that weren't in her room. They deserved some comfort, some things to bring to their new home. Everything I hadn't moved to save got scoured with foul-smelling flammable liquid.

My eyes were before me as I coughed, ripping down the gas-soaked junk barricading the door my father was viciously pounding at.

"Let me out right now!" He kicked down the door as I moved the final box, getting a large whiff of the place, and began coughing. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

If I wanted to respond, I couldn't. I brushed past him and checked mother's room for anything she may want to save, and threw them into a small box, before soaking everything else. I coughed my lungs out, but I didn't care. I don't care about anything but seeing Caleb again, and seeing this motherfucker burn in hell.

I shook the contents of the last red can onto the corner of the carpet, and quickly discarded the small box of trinkets from my mother's room next to the rest of the items in the gravely path. I re-entered before my father could escape through the front door like a pet, pushing him onto the carpet with a THUpmm.

"You ain't going anywhere." I rolled the lighter in my pocket and flicked it delicately. His scarred face plagued my most logical brain for second thoughts, but I had no real doubt in my brain as I stood over him, dripping with gasoline. I pulled it out of my pocket and his eyes lit up with fear. He tried to stand up, but was already janky and off-kilter, and whenever he had managed to catch his balance, I rolled him back over with my foot. He looked moronic.

Flick.

"You ruined everyone you know's lives."

Flick.

"Mine, Maria, Mavia, Caleb."

Flick.

"Now you're going to burn in hell."

Flick.

"Next to me, and Caleb, just like you wanted."

Flick pssh.

I tossed the lighter somewhere to my right and heard a fire roar to life. He gave up and stared into my eyes wordlessly, and as the flames began to lap at my ankles and his back, my only regret was that I'm not able to hug Caleb as I get consumed, kissing him until our skin melts off, and instead, have to stare at this hunk of useless shit.

"Adam, let me out. It's not too late." He demanded, but the corners of my mouth lifted into a smile, one almost as evil as his, as I came back to my senses. My brain set off warning after warning, but they drowned in my coughing lungs.

I kneeled into the fire, and instantly a deep sting rocketed up my calves, like they'd been slashed open. It was so hot I felt cold shocks for a few moments here and there. My muscles spasmed, as if trying to get me to jump away from the heat before realizing it was surrounding me. My mouth felt so cottony that for a second, I thought I had begun sucking on the collar of my shirt. I could see moisture sizzle away and be replaced with carbon monoxide in blurry spots through the holes in the thick gray smoke clouds. I admired it before everything became blurry, due to my excessive coughing causing tears to form and blur out my eyes before being dissolved in the burning heat.

I've never been in so much pain, not even when I lodged a bullet in my brain.

I sat at my father's ankles, staring over his stomach into his eyes as he began to cry. I've never seen him cry before. It was the best thing I think I've ever seen.

I heard him praying to God for mercy, but I didn't join him. I simply hoped to whoever runs this cruel universe that Maria and Mavia recover safely, and I'll find some sort of peace in the void. Some semblance of consciousness, one that I can spend alongside Caleb and Ariel. Some semblance of a heaven or hell, so that maybe, this wouldn't have to be the end of my story.

I'll see you soon Caleb. I promise.

Mashallah.