Adam - A Novella

16

The silent moans of the giggling guy writhing underneath me made my brain chemistry go crazy. The sounds and smells of his room in the apartment-like motel were becoming familiar to me, now that he'd convinced his mom I wasn't going to harm them, and I was enjoying the last couple days of the motel before they have to move back to their apartment in Indiana. Good news, they're looking for a house here. Bad news, there's no estimated time of how long that'll take, and I'm not sure I can take such a long time away from him after so many painful years of separation, especially if it goes into when school ends in a month. The smacking of his lips on mine and the feeling of his hands exploring my sides was taking me away from the impending doom momentarily, but only momentarily. The more my mind's worry kicked in, the more I pressed into him, and the more my physical excitement increased. I was able to forget about my father and my house, school and pain and money when my hands began to roam under his shirt. He jumped at the sudden cold touch, but welcomed the progression, moving down to my neck slowly. The door barricade was much taller than when I had slept over last week, the light was off, and his own metal fan was on blast, sending gusts of winds over our slightly exposed bodies.

He peeled my shirt off me like an orange, and his eyes sent emotions to me that I couldn't quite understand but adored nonetheless. I smiled and kissed his shoulder as his own shirt came off, as my arm kept my weight off of him by pushing on the bed, pressing into his bare side. My other hand ruffled his brunette hair and ran fingers down his jawline, slightly turning his face toward me to kiss. He sat up quickly, and I instantly shifted my weight to my knees in case he wanted to stop or get up. But his pupils had overtaken his irises in the almost nonexistent light, and I couldn't read anything on him in the dark. I could only feel his smile as his lips pressed into mine, at first semi-gently before turning into a rough make-out, and his hands felt around at the waistband of my jeans for the fastener. My heartbeat naturally increased. It was so much different when my brain wasn't clouded with a tingling, fuzzy feeling of drunkenness from alcohol I had never drank, and from hormones and chemicals that I couldn't begin to guess were affecting me. When I had full, conscious control over every action, every progression, and both of us were in sync with our intentions and emotions. I preferred it now, I thought, as he slowly undid the buckle and unhooked the belt from the denim straps.

I definitely preferred consciousness.

By now, it was pitch black outside, and the only light in the room was from under the door; an incredibly dim strip of light from a table lamp next to one of the two bed's nightstands. I cuddled into his naked body, this time facing away from the wall and under the covers. He didn't fight with me for more room or covers, and neither did I, even though I was kind of uncovered. I didn't feel vulnerable, though; not snuggled up next to the one guy who's always been there for me, even when it was hard, or when he should have ran and never looked back. The one guy who cared about me and my stupid emotions when all I wanted was to smash his face into a wall.

"I love you." I said it so earnestly, so genuinely, that I almost didn't recognize that I said it. He pushed his arm that wasn't under his pillow back for me to clasp, and I grabbed it with full force of my being. Interlacing my fingers with his, I put our arms back over his side, so I hugged him closer to me. He wiggled his head under my chin and grinned.

"I love you, too, Adam." I lovingly kissed his scalp in reply, like I sometimes do to my sister when I'm especially proud of her. Being in the room when he says that is so much different than over the phone, that I almost cried with happiness. Things were finally going my way. Here, in this room, in this bed and under these covers with Caleb, nothing bad can happen to me.

Nothing bad will happen to us.

I felt a wave of tired wash over me, and for a moment, I almost let myself drift away. But a gnaw of happy feelings clawed at my brain. When I tightened my grip on his hand to see if he was still awake, he tightened it back and snuggled his back into my chest some more. "Caleb?" I asked quietly, and he shifted his head toward me.

"Yeah?" I kissed the area of his head I had access to again, as if to relieve my anxiety. I wasn't sure if this was the time, but it sure felt like it.

"I want to be like this with you forever." He rolled over, which was a little awkward because he was so close to me, but when he was facing me, his lips were less than an inch away from mine, and waves of his CO2 washed over my face. I resisted the urge to bury myself in him again. The moon began to move in view of the window, providing slight amounts of light, just enough to see his expression gleam hopefully and lovingly in the midnight light. I used my tingling fingertips to move the hair off his forehead, staring, really, genuinely staring, at his entire weightless visage.

"I do, too. Honestly." The tone was so similar to mine when I blurted into the darkness that I had no doubt in my soul that he was telling the truth, or that I'm really, really ready to present myself to him like this in a way almost as vulnerable as earlier.

"Will you..." I traced his jaw with my hands, and he tilted his entire head up to comply. I've never loved someone more, not even my sister. He parted his lips gently, and I once again had to stop myself from smothering him in affection. "...Be my boyfriend?"

He jerked the corners of his mouth upwards for a moment, and I wondered exactly what was going through his head. "Are you sure? What about your father?"

"To hell with him. I'm tired of hiding myself and my feelings for anyone else." He bit his lip to suppress a smile, and I kissed the exposed one. He let go and parted them, letting me seep into him.

"Yes." He whispered in a breathy, relaxed sigh as soon as we separated. "I'll be your boyfriend." The moon made him glow now, and I couldn't help but feel God was blessing us with this perfect moment. I couldn't help but glint and kiss his face all over, as he cringed back, laughing heartily. I promised myself then I wouldn't ever do a single thing to hurt him ever again. Physically, mentally, emotionally, anything. He deserves only the good of me. He deserves the good of everything. I love this boy.

I love this boy.