Avery's Heart #4

CH 14 Avery has no plan

Avery's POV--

Titan is talking to me but I'm not really paying attention to what he is saying. I know he is trying to sooth me but honestly I'm not sad anymore that passed hours ago. I'm pissed and determined yes those are what I'm feeling right now. Memphis really pissed me off earlier trying to blame me for what happened.

I know I should have pushed Titan off me sooner but he took me off graud the kiss was only fifteen seconds at the most but I know if I would have seen Memphis kissing someone else I would have flipped too. Especially if it had been one of my brothers but at the same time he had no right to say the things he said to me. This is the first time I actually felt sick I mean physically ill over something someone said to me and I don't like this pain in my gut feeling.

Titan shakes my shoulder and I tune back in. "What? Sorry I got lost there for a second." Titan chuckles. "I said my brother just pulled up do you want to hide or do you want me to tell him you're not here?" I shake my head. "No I can handle myself but maybe could you give us a few minutes of privacy?"

Titan puts his hand on my shoulder. "Sure thing I will be in my room just let me know if you need me and again I'm so sorry Avery I didn't mean to cause you so much trouble." I sigh as I hear a knock on the door. "Don't worry Titan it wasn't all your fault, the kiss started it but now this is about your brother not trusting me and making me feel dirty and used."

Titan looks sullen as he walks to the back of the house as I go answer the door. When I open it I see Memphis."Yes Memphis?" I say monotone. Memphis rubs the back of his neck. "Let me in we need to talk."

I move aside opening the door wider for him to come in even though he is the last person I want to see right now. He waited to long and let me stew in my anger now that's all I can hold to. Hours ago I would have been over joyed that he came to his senses but now I'm drained of any emotion other than anger and pain.

I motion for him to follow me to the couch. I sit in the recliner so he can't sit next to me as he sits on the sofa. We both start talking at the same time but I stop him by raising my hand. "Memphis I'm sorry but this was bound to happen it was only a matter of time before one of us fucked up. We are way to different to ever really work out. What you said today proved it. All that time I thought us waiting was strengthing our relationship but you just felt it was an inconvenience I was and inconvenience to your sex life that just kills me inside it makes me feel like I was just a game did you fuck me enough to get it out of your system and now your done with me because that's how you made me feel today. Completely and utterly gutted and I never knew you to be so cruel but I guess the jokes on me I have seen you be cruel to your fucks countless times why would I think for second I was any different."

I have steam and can't stop from continuing. "I can't be in the closet not even for you and by you asking me to come here and be your secrete you doomed us. I can't get home today obviously but Titan said I could stay here until I can get a flight home. I really loved you Memphis but let's be honest our relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway so just be happy it ended now before either of us got to invested this already hurts to much I can't do it."

I look up to take a peak at Memphis' face he looks really sad but I have to not let that get to me. I can't ever let someone hurt me like this again. What happened today really hurt me more than I ever thought anyone could and saying the words now I know I'm right this was a mistake a big life changing mistake. I can't give someone that kind of power over me. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than feel this all encompassing pain.

Memphis still hasn't said anything and thats my answer right there he wont even fight for our relationship or say what I said wasn't true so ending it is the right thing. I get up and go to the spare bedroom Titan showed me earlier. I lock the door and lay down on the bed starring at the ceiling. I can't help but wonder if maybe I just made a huge mistake but at the same time I know deep down what I did was right and one day Memphis will thank me for not letting us travel any farther down this road. Maybe he isn't made to be tied down and I have been living in la la land the last couple of months.

I wake up the next morning and I'm starving I never did eat dinner last night. I get up and unlock the door before making my way to the kitchen. I open the fridge and see milk so I pull it out. I go to the pantry and find some rice crispys so I make myself a bowl of cereals but it taste like chalk and goes down even worse.

When I'm rinsing the bowl out and my stomach doesn't feel so empty still upset but not empty Titan walks in. He looks like his brother all sleep ruffled and yawning. I feel a tinge of regret that I gave up that right to see Memphis like that anymore but I shake it off knowing I have to protect myself. "Good morning Titan."

Titan grumbles something and starts making coffee."Do you want any?" I shake my head no. Once he sipping his coffee he looks at me loopsided. "Are you ok Avery." I shrug my shoulders. "Not yet but I think once I get home I will be. My brothers will keep me occupied whether I want them to or not so don't worry over me I will be fine I always am."

Titan shakes his head. "Without Memphis?" I sigh because I'm not really sure I want to get into this with Titan. I don't think he will understand and I don't want him blaming himself anymore than he already does. "Don't worry Titan it's not because of you or that kiss. I just... I don't know I have seen your brother treat men that way a million times but this is the first time he has ever directed his anger and callousness towards me and I didn't like it at all. I would rather go back to just friends then ever give him the power to make me feel like nothing again."

Titan looks down at his coffee cup. "Do you really think you can go back even if you do somehow stay friends after this it won't be the same it never is." I look at Titan and he looks like he knows this from experience and that scares me. I don't want to loose Memphis all together but if it happens I will just have to deal with it.

"I don't know Titan, I really don't have any clue but maybe in a couple of weeks or even months I can try to be his friend again. At this point that's all I can really do is try he has been my rock for so long but I was fine before he came into my life I'm sure after only five years I can make it without him. Who knows maybe it's a good thing maybe I need to grow up anyways."

Titan shakes his head and I look around the kitchen. "Do you have a computer I can use to try and get an earlier flight home no offense but I really don't want to stay here until Sunday."

"Yeah my laptop is in my room let me grab it." I go sit on the couch to wait for him. He quickly brings me out his laptop open to the Internet and after about an hour I finally find a flight with a lay over but it will get me home tonight. I book the ticket and get up and stretch.

Titan walks back in from having his shower with his hair still wet. "Did you find a flight?" I smile even though it feels forced. "Yeah do you think you you could drop me off in an hour at the airport?" Titan shakes his head yes. "Wow that soon huh. You better take a quick shower and we will head out. Again Avery I'm really sorry about my part in everything I really love my brother and I would never intentionally hurt him."

I take a quick shower and get some clean clothes out of my bag. I get dressed and look at my cell phone and I have a couple of texts so I go through them. One is from Mischa saying Happy Thanksgiving and he misses me. Another is a picture from Grey of Baby Henley all dressed up for the holiday. I text back to them quickly and grab my bag off the bed.

When I get to the living room Titan is waiting for me and I feel like the breath has been knocked out of me seeing Titan is his cowboy hat looking so much like my Memphis. I try to shake it off and walk to the front door uneffected but I think Titan notices but thank god he says nothing.

The drive to the airport is a silent one and its even more award when Titan hugs me goodbye. I walk to the ticket counter and go through security without any troubles. As I sit and wait to board the plane I can't help but feel that little dash of hope that Memphis would be here and try to stop me be dashed. I hope this pain in my heart doesn't last to long. How can my brain know something is right but my heart feel like everything I do is wrong.

Don't kill me for this. Yesterday I wrote a whole lovey dovey let's make up chapter and it was shit. I think this chapter is much better even if it was painful to write. Comment or Vote and let me know what you think.