Blurred Lines

Chapter 20

Although Abigail's practical assessment finished before lunch, she found herself wandering the streets aimlessly into the late afternoon. The chill of the winter weather dispelling the numbness from her mind; she felt like she was breathing air that was crisp and uncontaminated for the first time in weeks.

Ruslan had called her in the afternoon but she hadn't answered. She knew he'd be mad, but she didn't want him bearing down on her, asking her questions about where she was, or what she was doing, extinguishing what precious little joy she had left.

After what happened last night, the less time she spent with him, the better. Pregnancy had turned her into a raging lunatic, crying one minute, then coming in the man's bathtub the next.

She sat on a park bench enjoying her solitude, not sure when she'd be out again. She hated having to tell him where she was going and resented his claim that she could go wherever she liked, just as long as he knew in advance. She understood this to mean what it was, that her freedom was based on her accepting his right to make decisions for her. 

When her phone vibrated in her bag a second time, she rummaged through it with a feeling of dread, but when she finally located it, it was Lev's name she saw on her screen.  She never thought the old man could be capable of evoking so much joy in her.

"Hey kiddo," he said with that heart warming familiarity that she so needed in her life right now. She found herself closing her eyes at the sound of his voice, trying to compose the flood of emotions that threatened to take over her.

"How have you been?"  he asked, giving her time to wipe away tears that had appeared out of nowhere.

"I'm well," she said, afraid that if she said anything more, he would hear the tremor in her voice.

"I've missed you kiddo. I get to work and there's no one calling me old guy or giving me attitude. I never thought I'd say it, but this place feels a little dull without you.  The girls were asking about you too. Come by and have dinner. Watch a show. You can tell me how much you miss me," he laughed.

His voice sounded so light and airy, so friendly in contrast to Ruslan's. She felt almost homesick just listening to him.

"The girls would love to see you too."

"I'd love to Lev... but I can't," she hesitated, her voice betraying her.

He heard the crack in her voice, followed by her silence.

"Abigail?" he said, his voice changing instantly.

Tears streamed down her face, as the courage to speak abandoned her.

"Abigail, are you alright?"

She shook her head silently, covering her hand over her mouth so he wouldn't hear her sudden uncontrollable burst of crying.

"Abigail, tell me where you are," he said, sounding alarmed.

"I can't. I'm okay Lev," she said, her attempt at bravado sounding unconvincing even to herself.

"Abigail, tell me where you are."

"The Botanic Gardens," she said, sounding so defeated that she struggled to recognise her own voice.

"Okay, stay there, I'm sending Max to pick you up, he'll bring you here and..."

"No," she said, cutting him off, "Annie doesn't know, I can't come there."

"Annie doesn't know what Abigail? What's going on? You're not making any sense."

"Lev can we please just do this when I see you. It's not something I can do over the phone," she said, surprised at the level of relief the mere idea of being able to talk to someone gave her.