Desire

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Carter Gilmore

Adelaide showed up at my house with mascara running down her face, bruises, and cuts. I saw red. She wouldn't tell me who did this to her, but I can pretty much guess who did this to her. I will gut him.

"Adelaide, tell me who fucking did this NOW!" I screamed at her. Right now, she's sitting on the couch staring off into the tv, which is not on.

'I don't need to tell you shit. Not when you were balls deep in some other woman a few minutes ago," she spits back at me. She's angry and with reason. I regret it so badly. I thought if I fucked another woman, I could get over Adelaide. I fucked up.

I know that's stupid, but the whole time I was imagining Adelaide. It's like she's taking up space on my mind all the damn time.

"I know you're angry with me, Adelaide, but you need to tell me who fucking hurt you?" I said softly.

"I'm not going to tell you shit," she yelled. "What, you thought you could just fuck another woman, and I would be okay with it because we weren't exclusive? That's okay. Do whatever you want, Carter,"

She stands up to leave. I grab her arm and push her back down on the couch. I couldn't stand her going like this. I don't want her to be angry with me. Shit. I am fucked.

"No, Adelaide, that's not it at all,"

"Then why?!" she yelled at me. She wouldn't meet my eyes, and I fucking hated it. All I wanted was for her to look at me with that beautiful smile and spark in her eyes.

"Because I'm afraid I can't be who you need, Adelaide," I admit.

She turns to look at me, and a frown takes over her face. Tears fell from her eyes. God, I hate this.

"We can't have a future with kids or public dates or meeting your parents or even getting married someday, and I want that for you,

"I don't want it if it's not with you, Carter. I don't care," she states. I know she believes it, but I don't want to be the thing that holds her back.

"I don't want you to give up your life for me. You deserve to have a husband who can show you off to the world, who can give you babies, who can be everything you want,"

'You don't get to choose for me. It's my life," she states.

She's so fucking stubborn. That's my Adelaide. I know she believes I can be enough but years from now, she's grown to resent me. I don't want that for her.

"It's our life," I yelled back at her. She's silent. She looks as if she's going to cry. I fucking hate this.

"All I wanted was you," she finally spoke with her hands in her face.

I knew in front of her and put my hand on her thigh. "Adelaide, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. But I could never love you in the way you deserve. I'm broken beyond repair. I would just hurt you,"

She lifts from the couch and moves away from me. "Whatever, Carter," she says with the coldest voice that sends chills down my spine.

You are doing this for her.
Then she turns her back to me and walks out the door.

"FUCKKKKK" I screamed.

Was this for her? or was it for me? I couldn't stand the idea of her getting her heart broken when she realized I was not the man she thought I was. I can't have her looking at me like that.

So instead, I broke her heart now when it's easy to leave. So why does it feel like a part of my heart ripped from my chest?

I sit in the kitchen alone in complete darkness, drinking away my problems. Then the light flicks on, and I'm met by my daughter. As soon as her eyes met mine, she frowned. Her face is full of worry.

"Dad, what are you doing in the dark? Were you drinking? Are you drunk," she scolded. There were five liquor bottles all around me, and I drank every single one. Yet, I couldn't get Adelaide out of my mind.

I look down at my feet in shame. Ella knees in front of me. "Dad, what's going on talk to me?"

"I might have ruined the best thing that has never happened to me," I stated.

She looks at me, confused. I could never tell her about Adelaide and me. She won't get it, and Adelaide will lose me and her best friend.

"I promise you whatever you have drinking yourself into oblivion will fix itself. It will be okay," she says.

She took my hand and held it. She looks into my eyes. Damn. I made both of my unique girls sad on the same day.

"It won't. But I promise I'm fine. I need sleep," I state.

She smiled, but I could tell she was still worried about me. She lifted me off the chair and tried to walk me upstairs.

When we entered my bedroom, she laid me on my bed, tucking me in. She presses a kiss on my forehead. "Dad, please don't do this to me again," she begs.

My daughter knows how I am. When I was on alcohol, it broke up my marriage to her mother. That and other things. She doesn't want me to lose myself like I had before. I understand completely.

I nod. She kissed my forehead again and left the room. I hear her outside the door. The phone rings, and Adelaide's voice comes through the speaker.

"What's up, Ella?"

"It's happening again, Adelaide. My dad is falling apart," Ella says into the phone, sobbing.

Then her phone trails off as she walks back into her bedroom. Shit,  I messed up.  I shouldn't have done this to Ella, to Adelaide. I was so fucking afraid I made the wrong choice.