Desire

CHAPTER THIRTY- FOUR

Carter Gilmore

Ella is losing her fucking mind since she found out about Adelaide's pregnancy. It's been a couple of days and she has been staying in her room refusing to come out and when she does, she yells at me. I knew she was going to be angry. I expected that, but Adelaide is her best friend and she's acting like her enemy. I don't know how to fix this.

Adelaide has been staying away for the last couple of days trying to let everything calm down which means she's been away from me. Jack visits her every day to give her company but never stays the night. I feel horrible that I feel happy about that. I still don't know what I'm going to do or how to react to Adelaide's pregnancy, but I'm taking it better than most people. Being with Adelaide and being a part of the baby's life means that Ella will never forgive me. Do I want to risk that?

Since Jack is at the house today I decided to drive to Adelaide's just to talk about things. We haven't gotten to talk since she's been back. I think it's time for a talk. I have been kind of avoiding this conversation. With reason. I don't know if she wants me to be a part of the child's life. I wondered if I wouldn't have heard would she have even told me?

Now, I'm standing at the door wondering if I should knock on the door. I keep lifting my hand to knock and not knocking. I'm nervous about talking to her. Would she even want to talk to me? especially after everything that has happened. Why did she stay away from me?

I lifted my hand to knock again and the door opened. She stares at me and for a second I think she's going to yell at me. I ready myself. Instead, she jumped into my arms and I wrapped my arms around her. I let out a breath of relief. It felt good holding her in my arms after not holding her for so long. I let it sink in holding her for as long as I could.

Then she pulled away and stood at the door signaling for me to come in the house. I passed by her into the house. The entire house was cleaned, sparking. I guess that's what happens when you have too much time in your life. Adelaide has been working from home to avoid me after the fight.

I stood near the doorway, but she was already ahead of me sitting on the couch. She sat down on the couch and motioned for me to sit next to her. Okay, so we are doing this right away. I guess that's best.

"I know I hurt you when I didn't tell you that I was pregnant. It wasn't my intention. I just wanted you to live in, a world where you didn't have to choose between Ella and me. Even though she hates me, she's still my best friend and I love her,"

"I know, Adelaide. I wish things weren't as complicated as they are, but they are. I don't know what to do to make things right for us."

I can see the wheels turning in her brain. She smiled, but then dropped it. She's thinking, "He still wants us," and of course I do. I love Adelaide. I always had. I was just too dumb to realize what I had when I had it. I'm stupid that it took me losing her to realize just how much I loved her. I'll never lose her again.

"I know and I understand if you don't want anything to do with the baby," she started. I didn't want to hear any of that.

"No," I interrupted shocking her into silence. I placed my hand on her thigh. "I want this to work this time and I'll do anything to make this work," I stated. I can tell she's a little scared. She has nothing to worry about this isn't like all the other times. We can make this work.

I leaned in and he leaned into mine. Our foreheads touched. "Okay," she breathed, in acceptance. I smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. I pulled away and let a bunch of kisses on her neck. She giggled.

"Stop. Stop," she said through her laughter. I finally pulled away. A smile plastered on her face. She stared at me like she knew something was on my mind.

"Okay, but seriously. I want to talk and for us not to fight," I stated putting my hand on her thigh. Her face is full of worry.

"Oh, there's nothing you worry about, Ade. I just wanted to us talk to clear everything up so we can start a new,"

She nods awaiting my question. I can tell she's nervous. "I know that I missed everything. I know that. I felt like I didn't deserve you and it got to my head. You're just so amazing, your young and beautiful and have a big future ahead of you,"

She opens her mouth to protest and I interrupt before she can. "And I am just a dad. I was just being an idiot. It wasn't about any of those things. I was just scared you would choose someone else when you realized I wasn't good enough for you," I admitted. She moved to knee in front of me. She puts her palms to my face.

"Carter, that was never going to happen. I love you. There was never going to be anyone else."

She meant it. I could tell it by the look in the eyes. I was being stupid. I could have been with the woman I loved all this time. If I'm not the man she wanted I should have worked hard to be the man she could be with.

"I know, baby" I replied. I leaned in front of her and kissed her lips. She kissed me back with a fiery passion. Her hands dropped from my face down to my shoulders. She hopped on my lap bringing me even closer to her.

Then, I felt it and I know she did too because she pulled away. My hand dropped to her belly. She smiled at me so happy.  She looked down at my hands on her belly. The baby kicked.

I leaned down and kissed her belly. "Hey there, I'm your daddy. I'm excited to meet you."
She giggled as I spoke. The baby kicked again.

"The baby is responding to the sound of your voice," she said excitedly. She's watching my expression like she's afraid I'm going to get scared and run again. I'm not this is it.

I have to figure out how to get Ella on the same side. I understood she was hurt, but Adelaide is her best friend. You don't give up years of friendship so easily like this.