Forgive Or Forget

Chapter Nine : Jessica

The food eventually arrives and this time I don't ask Maria, I just quickly go to the door and grab the food from the guy. I turn back and almost jump at Jayden's sudden appearance. He raises an eyebrow at me, "You really hungry?" He mumbles, pushing back his hair. I laugh fakely. "Uh no, no. Maria and I ordered McDonalds just before you got here and since she's paying - I thought I may as well open the door." God, I ramble. "Oh.. okay." He nods and walks into the kitchen. I sigh. This is certainly not how I thought I'd be meeting my brother. 

"Maria! The food is here." I shout, unpacking it on the dull kitchen counter. Jayden peaks in the bag, "You can half my big mac, if you'd like? It's two burgers practically anyway." His blue eyes don't leave the bag, but he shivers. "No..no, I don't eat stuff like that.." 

Oh, maybe he's vegetarian?  "I could ask Maria to order something else like their new veggie wrap?"

"No, no. That's fine, I don't eat Mcdonalds or..yeah, I just don't." 

"You don't like fast food?"

His eyes dart around the room, "Uh, yeah." He mutters. I nod, as he's about to mumble something else but then Maria walks in. "Ah, food!" She  picks up the bag and tips it upside down - causing all the fries that I hadn't yet unpacked come falling down, scattering on the floor and counter. I instinctively begin picking them up and I notice Jayden holds his breath. Maria makes no sound for a beat.

She then bursts out laughing, "Deary me, that wasn't too smart was it?" She studies mine and Jayden's expressions. "You two alright? Did something happen?" I almost feel a smile, "Uh no, actually." She smiles at me and grabs my chin, "I feel so lucky to have you both here, you know?" She then ruffles Jayden's hair with her free hand. "You're such beautiful kids." Jayden looks confused for two beats and then grins back at her - I don't think he used to this either. Maria scoops up the chips with her palms and drops them into her mouth, almost choking. This time, Jayden and I laugh and she coughs mid giggle. 

My heart feels happy.

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I spend a abnormal time trying to find my toothbrush in my bag to the point where I spam text Amelia wailing at her until she reassures me we packed it. I take my phone with me to the bathroom as I can't resist playing my spotify playlist every moment I can.  There's just something about looking out a window at five minutes to midnight whilst listening to 'Why'd you only call me when you're high?' at full blast (with headphones on, obviously). I shuffle my playlist whilst squeezing out the toothpaste.  'Something About You' roars through my ears as I stare at my image through the mirror, brushing my teeth. I can't shake the feeling I had today. It felt like we were a family, a happy one too. 

The door behind me creaks open again, Jayden is there, in his blue checkered pajamas too. His eyes immediately dart to me and then to my phone. "Is it okay if I start too?" "Yeah, course." 

He shifts in and pulls his toothbrush from behind his pack, running it under the water. His eyes are darker than before, more tired. More weak. I notice that his nails are painted black, matching his smudged eyeliner. I wonder if he was in a band or something. I finish brushing my teeth, and brush the knots out of my hair. I think I'll do plaits or something, don't want everyone seeing my hair being a crowsnest on my second night here. Jayden scoops the running water from the sink and drinks it, then he does the same but this time rubs his eyes furiously. My eyes hurt just looking at him. "Do you -" He stops and looks at me, his eyes red. "I have makeup remover, if you need it." "Oh." He stares at himself in the mirror for a few seconds. "I think I'm fine." 

Maria pops her head by the door, "Alright guys, I think I'm going to surrender and sleep, you two should too." Jayden nods, avoiding eye contact even through the mirror. "I'm super tired, so I will too." She smiles and her eyes shift to Jayden for a second but then she quickly darts to her bedroom and only a few minutes later the light goes out. 

I pour some makeup cleanser onto a cotton pad and wipe off my mascara, Jayden kind of stands there. He's very tall, I'd guess around 6'1 but with a quite skinny build. With no eyeliner on, he looks a lot younger and innocent, more pale faced and blue eyed. I think that in a way we both wear eye makeup for the same reason, to shield. 

"Did today feel..weird to you?" I look away from the mirror and actually at him. He's staring down at the floor. "Well.. it's all been weird, I mean we've basically all reunited after fourteen years." He smiles sadly, "Yeah, that's true. But like, when we were eating." He looks at me now. "It felt like.." He pauses and plays with his hair. "We were a family." I answer. 

"Yeah, it really did."