Forgive Or Forget

Chapter Thirteen : Jessica

[Trigger warning, this chapter mentions and describes self harm as well as history of abuse, if this could be a trigger for you, then I suggest you do not continue reading this chapter, 'Forgive or Forget' is a story which dives into trauma in several ways, as a author I'll try and include warnings where necessary to the best of my ability.]

I've woken up with what I can only describe as the worst tangles of my life, god I wish I hadn't forgot my hairbrush. I didn't realise my hair was so bad until I walked downstairs and as I passed Maria I heard a audible gasp.  "Jessica, your hair, it's.." she let out a small delicate laugh and handed me her hairbrush. Maria's hairbrush is different, it's like a roll brush and makes the pain ten times worse.  After skipping breakfast to spend forty minutes on my hair, it's lean and straight, well nearly straight. I have a slight problem of being a perfectionist. The urge to straighten my hair controls me as I find myself walking to the bathroom. 

I swing open the door and jump as I realise someone is there. And then I flinch again. Jayden stands there, bent down a bit staring at something on the floor. His back stares at me. Colours of red, black and blue overwhelm me. He's been beaten, abused something. The scars carry on down further past his back. My voice feels hoarse. He jumps up himself as he sees me, and as he turns I see his arms. Faded red scars outline his arms along with purple marks. My eyes keeps switching from his arm to his eyes. His blue eyes swell with tears and he pushes me out of the room and slams the door shut. I gasp for a breath. Fuck me. 

"Uh, J-jayden?" My voice creaks, as i feel tears rolling down to my neck. I place my palm on the back of the door, I don't want to imagine how he's feeling. He doesn't reply, he doesn't even make any sound. Bile creeps up my throat as I feel like throwing up. 

I don't know what to do. 

I don't know what to do.

I want to go and sit in my bed. And cry. I want to ask him if he's okay. I want to know what he's feeling. 

I hardly know Jayden but I'm probably the only person he has right now, yet we've only known each other for.. what? Two weeks? 

You can't expect someone to open up to you about something like that when you've known them for two weeks. I can't bring myself to leave the door. 

My body sinks down against the door.  Then the handle moves.  I quickly get up as light from the opening of the door bounces against the wall. Jayden glides out, head down. He doesn't run to his room like I'd expected he would have. He kind of just stands there, wearing a damp top with his arms behind his back.  I open my mouth but before I can speak he immediately stutters out. "Sorry."  He hangs his head like he's been told off.

"No, what? You have nothing to be sorry about, please don't..you can't apologise when you've done nothing wrong, okay? I'm sorry, I..well I practically just invaded your privacy obviously accidentally but.." God, I hate talking. "I'm so sorry." 

His eyes meet mine through his hair. "You..you won't tell her, wilL you?" I feel like when someone says this and it's about something as serious as self harm you should never say no, you always tell someone, get that person help.  In any other circumstance I wouldn't say, "No, I promise I won't." 

Truth be told, I've seen many scars similar to the ones of Jayden's. Many kids in the foster system end up having not the best metal health, some to the point where their social worker have to enroll them into therapy or even psychiatric hospitals. Many kids don't end up having the right treatment though. 

"This might sound.. seriously stupid and I.. I don't want you to feel like you have to but if you want to talk about it..?"

"I.. uh.." Maria's voice interrupts, "Jayden, Jessica I need to speak with you both!"

Jayden pushes his wet hair out of his face, his arms still shaking. 

He gives me a weak sad smile and we both walk downstairs together. Maria is sat in the kitchen, besides her is a dark bearded man with thickly structured eyebrows, sat with his arms crossed and a frightening grin. I hesitantly take a seat opposite them. "Jayden?" The deep voice echoes from the man.  I look back and see Jayden half in and half out of the doorway.

His eyes dart nervously to me and then back to Maria. 

He slowly slips down in the seat next to me. "Something happen?" The man says. I look at Jayden who looks just as puzzled as I feel. He then points his finger at Jayden's shirt, which is seemingly still wet. He raises his eyebrow as Jayden begins trying to stutter out a answer. I feel an impulse to swoop in and save him, maybe it's because of what I've just seen or maybe it was because hearing 'Uh, w-well I' makes me feel ill. 

"He just washed his hair." The man's eyes flicker to me. He looks bemused. "You know hair, it drips." I realise how condescendingly funny that sounds as he has no hair. Maria's eyes don't move but her eyebrow tense up as lines appear on her forehead.  

I hold my breath expecting him to shout or..anything. But he doesn't. He lets out a laugh. "Suppose I've forgotten the wonders that come with having hair. Though, back in the nineties, I'll tell ya I had quite the locks you know." I fight the urge to let out a snort which ends up resulting in me kicking Jayden to which he lets out a yelp. The man's expression changes again and he goes back to looking fixedly at Jayden. 

"Are you wearing paint?" 

"What?"

Jayden folds his arms as the man shakes his head. Maria finally speaks.

"I think some of us have lost reason as to why I called everyone here. Jayden, Jessica, this is Andrea, my..fiance."