Sturniolo triplets - Oh To Be Loud (Matt-centric story about mental health)

Getting To Know Each Other

Trigger Warnings: Smoking, Light Swearing, Emotional Conversations

Matt opens up a bit to Rue, hears her story in return and prepares to return home

The Story:

On Matt's third drag of the blunt, his throat started burning and he couldn't contain the cough anymore. He was coughing, eyes watering a bit, but soon enough the coughs turned into laughter. Suddenly, him passing the joint back and forth between a strange girl and himself and then coughing due to not being used to the smoke was the funniest thing in the world. 

He guessed his laughter had to be contagious, as Rue followed suit shortly after. They were laughing with each other, and as soon as they stopped, they looked at each other and started all over again.

After eventually calming down as the bursts of laughter passed, they opted to sit in silence for a while, relaxing in each other's company, passing the joint between them until there was nothing but the filter left. The sun will have set shortly, but for now, they got to enjoy the serenity of the last golden rays of the sun for the day and the peaceful scenery around them.

The conversation flew easier thereafter. They talked for hours, Matt was able to sort through the mess in his head a bit by voicing his thoughts out loud, and talking about it with Rue actually helped. He told her about his anxiety, sadness and how it gradually progressed into a form of depression. He told her about not being able to sleep or eat, about how hard it was to get out of bed, or up from the couch or a chair or basically anything that required him to move. 

He explained how his whole body felt too heavy to move sometimes and how he stopped enjoying his favourite shows, how his brothers' liveliness used to be the best thing about them, but now it annoys him, how his head immediately started to hurt if he tried listening to any music. He told her that he knew he had a problem, but he didn't feel like fixing it and that that should scare him, but it doesn't. 

He told her about how his behaviour was affecting his brothers, that he didn't want to cause them pain, but didn't know how to get them to leave him alone without destroying their bond forever.

Through it all, he didn't feel bad or stressed. He was calm and open, he hadn't felt like that in a long time. He was also surprised at how understanding Rue was, she asked the right questions to make him question himself and arrive to new answers, seeing his issues from another perspective he hadn't considered before. 

Not once did she make him feel stupid our dramatic about any of it, she just made him feel valid and seen. He forgot how nice it felt to talk to someone who actually let him finish his sentences and listened.

He hadn't told her about what was bothering him the most though, his self-hatred due to the constant comparison to his objectivelybetterineveryway brothers wasn't for anyone to know.

In return, she told him about her own issues, despite trying to play them off as not that serious, he could tell she was just pretending not to care, it was probably her way of coping. He learned that her dad died and she never got over it, how her mental health got worse and she started doing drugs to cope, how she got addicted and ruined all her relationships with the people closest to her. 

She also told him how, despite everything, she doesn't regret using drugs, since it was the only thing that kept her going for a while. The only thing she looked forward to. The only thing that made her feel something.

They got quiet again after that. It was now completely dark and the only thing they could hear were the crickets chirping in the distance. Matt was still a bit high, so he didn't feel too emotional, only worn out and tired. Also a bit surreal. This whole evening was unlike anything he had ever experienced before and he felt like he could think more clearly because of it. But it was over now and it was time to go home. 

After a while of sitting in silence, when it felt right, they slowly got up and started making their way down from the roof. They both took out their phones to use the flashlight, and that's when Matt saw he had more than a dozen missed calls and unanswered texts from his brothers. Ooohh shiiit, he realised he had completely forgotten about their agreement, or how the last time he interacted with them was hours ago, over a text saying he'd be back soon and not checking his phone since. 

He skimmed through the messages and sent out a quick 'omw now', before closing the app. He didn't know if it made him a terrible person, but he was secretly glad he was too high to freak out about the shit storm that was more than likely waiting for him at home.

Matt and Rue walked through the forest side by side, lighting the path with the flashlights on their phones. Even though Matt couldn't focus enough to remember the path, he knew he had nothing to worry about as long as he followed Rue, who assured him she knew the way like the back of her hand. They made it back to the original path, followed it to the park and then out to the streets.

"This is where we part I guess", Rue said, gesturing in the other direction from the one Matt automatically turned to.

"Oh... I can walk you home if you want. It's dark and it could be dangerous.", Matt offered, he wouldn't feel right just leaving her.

"Nah, you're forgetting that I come through here regularly. Thanks for the offer, I'll be fine though."

Matt wanted to argue but decided to let it go and let Rue do her thing. "... Sure, Rue, whatever the hell you want.", he said with a tired smile.

They held eye contact for a few short moments, then turned around and both left in their own directions.