Sturniolo triplets - Oh To Be Loud (Matt-centric story about mental health)

Better Late Than Never

Trigger Warnings: Crying, Emotional Breakdown, Mourning, Grief, Goodbye Letters

Matt confronts Rue and his own feelings

The Story:

Another month went by without much changing; they still sticked to their 'recovery' plan, Nick and Chris did their best to support and just be there for Matt and make sure he wouldn't drown in his grief.

With Matt, on the outside things appeared fine, relatively speaking. He got up every morning, ate three full meals a day, exercised moderately and hung out with his brothers and a select few close friends multiple times a week. 

They took two weeks off from posting videos when they got sick that time and then started back up again with just Nick and Chris for the next two weeks, giving Matt some much needed space to heal. 

He asked to join them again on the fifth week after learning the news, claiming he needed to do something productive and the longer he put it off, the harder it would be to come back. 

Nick and Chris were a bit wary at first, assuring him he could take all the time he needed and they'd take care of it, but Matt insisted. So he came back and they recorded together again, which made him feel a bit better, but also took a lot out of him.

Bigger outings became a bit too much for him, so he stopped joining the others when they went out, but still encouraged his brothers to go out and have fun without him, he knew they deserved to have a life outside of him and his problems.

Instead of going with them to whatever activity they had planned, Matt started visiting the Bennett's home semi-regularly. He met Rue's little sister on his next visit and talked to her about Rue's best moments and then held her as she cried. 

He helped them around the house as best as he could and brought them some 'leftovers' from lunch/dinner when he 'accidentally' made too much. Sometimes he even stayed long enough to watch a movie with the two women. It just felt right.

He obviously still had bad days, when he couldn't get out of bed or started randomly crying at different points throughout the day, but that was to be expected, all things considered.

So while from an outsider's perspective Matt seemed to be doing his best to deal with his grief and depression, Nick and Chris knew better. They knew their brother and could tell something has been bothering him, aside from the obvious. It was like he was always on edge, like he wanted to say something but then changed his mind. 

Matt was also quieter when he spoke and they could always hear the underlaying sadness in his voice. It gave them the feeling he was hesitating or second-guessing every move he made and it was starting to make them anxious. 

At first they wrote it off as a sort-of natural behaviour when dealing with loss, but as the weeks went by, they started getting more and more worried. So they already started planning how they would approach this subject with Matt, if he didn't say anything by himself first.

To be fair, Matt knew that guilt mixed with his self-worth issues made him more indecisive and doubtful of every move he made. He also knew that his brother's noticed and assumed they were giving him some time to come to them himself. 

Matt wanted to confide in them, he really did, but at the same time he couldn't. That burden he was carrying, combined with the heavy weight of Rue's unopened letter always in his pocket made it impossible for him to truly move on. Intellectually he knew and understood what he needed to do if he ever wanted to be able to let go and heal. And he would get to it eventually, he just didn't feel ready yet.