What We Do etc: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth

The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth...Part II...

What We Do In the Shadows: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth"...

Summary: Back in the regular but sort of AU universe of WWDITS, you thought the season was about Guillermo. It wasn't. (Well, in this AU anyhow.)

Part II...

Laszlo, vampiral, to camera, in the, more or less, "living" room ...

"My heart is weighted with care regards what to do about Gizmo's glacier-like transformation. Clearly another bite from a second vampire, especially if not the original, would be fatal, if quite interesting for Science. Besides, I've rather enjoyed being able to venture out and about in daylight using Gizmo sweatscreen...Hmmn, a true marketing opportunity there, especially if it works as a sunscreen for humans as well. All right, fine, that is the main reason I've not mentioned the situation to Nandor...Though I do feel for the lad." Offhand wave.

"Caught betwixt two worlds, the dark comforting world of inky night and bloody slaughter, and the light, harshly bright...Though really I did enjoy my time in the sun...Oppressive world of blinding day and well, feasting on corpses of the dead...Animal and plant, and those other kingdoms, whatever they are. I mean consider it...You people feast on the dead, however well cooked; we, the living. And, on occasion, some of ours live to see another day...Your victims, sadly, are gone for good. Who's to say what the more horrible way to feed really is, eh? Anyway, my heart's somewhat troubled at least by the situation, though my spirits are lifted by the safe return of my dear wife Nadja from her dollish existence." Nod.

"Not to say the sex with Dolly human in Nadja wasn't terrific... Really it was perhaps the best we've ever had...Best not to mention that to Nadja, eh, folks?" winning smile.

"And speaking of my female devil-girl, here she is...Hello, my darling." As human Nadja in Nadja enters cautiously.

"Ah, hello...Well, don't let me interrupt..." she smiles, nervously.

"Wait, my dearest...I sense something is wrong." Laszlo eyes her.

"OH...No, no, no...There's nothing at all wrong, my dearest." She notes anxiously. "No, no, no...We are still all one big happy family, as always. No 'sunken place' for this evil spirit...No, no, no." brittle smile.

"Indeed?" Laszlo, hard stare.

"Yeah..." she tries nonchalant pose. "I'm just about off to go suck and drain the life out of some human being, because that's what I do to survive. Maybe some little child, innocent as the driven snow, because my demonic essence rejoices in such evil."

"It does?" Laszlo stared. "Well, yeah...I suppose. Anyway, I do sense something is wrong with you, dearest. And I know what it is." Eyes camera.

Close up on anxious Nadja...

"You can't find Dolly, can you? The damn thing's gone off sulking somewhere, hasn't she? And after all you've done for her..." Laszlo shakes head. "Terrible ingratitude. How sharper than a serpent's tooth, though indeed, those are sharp, is the ungrateful child, or soul. Am I right in my conjecture, dearest?"

"Uh...Yeah, absolutely." Nadja, fervent nodding. "Goddamn that ungrateful doll. Curses and I spit, spit, spit upon her. Goddamn her, yeah. Thank you, my dearest for perceiving the essence of my sorrow. Well, off to go suck, suck, suck...And joyfully murder. Bye." Waves.

The Guide suddenly appears in front of her, in her trademark black. "Hey, how's about we make it a twosome twofer?" she suggests. "Hit the streets and grab a couple of ripe young children who will never see the light of day. For we two vampiral sisters will drain the last drop of their virginal blood and leave their little corpses cold and pale on the streets or in some garbage can...Don't want to leave a bloody mess, I mean. They enforce the trash laws quite severely here on Staten Island."